Good Habits

Critics and Haters: How to Deal with People Who Unfairly Judge You

Steve Bloom 19 Comments

Critics and Haters

The simplest way to be criticized is this: be yourself. As Aristotle once said, “to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”

No matter what path your life takes, you’re bound to come across someone who dislikes your decision and openly expresses how unhappy they feel about it.

Just recently, my wife and I took some criticism over a decision we made.

At the start of the year, we took a trip to Turkey. We walked around Istanbul, saw Ephesus and stopped over at Pamukkale (absolutely gorgeous, by the way). The whole trip was beautiful and unforgettable.

It seems so uncontroversial, expect for one aspect – my wife was six months pregnant.

To be clear, we did our due diligence. We perused forums to read about experiences other pregnant women had in Turkey. Before we left, we researched hospitals to see what was available (they’re good there).

In addition, our doctor gave us the OK to go and we even got a clean bill of health two days before we left. And to top it all, we bought great travel insurance, just in case.

However, we were harshly judged for our actions. Many people lashed out at us and criticized our “reckless behavior”.

To be fair, our critics were coming from a source of love and concern, but it was still difficult to not take personally.

How to Take Criticism like a Pro

The trouble with criticism is in how our brains process it, putting a lot more focus and attention on negativity. According to a study, one negative comment carries the same weight in our minds as five positive ones.

This was true of our experience. Looking back before our trip, I can see that most people were either positive or neutral on the subject. There was just a select few vocal critics to make us feel bad about what we were doing.

And feelings are the real problem with criticism. It’s not that you’re being criticized or judged unfairly, it’s that those criticisms and judgements make you feel bad as a result.

According to the book User’s Manual for the Brain Volume I:

“The problems we often have in handling criticism constructively lie in dealing with our feelings about being criticized. If we could handle those immediate negative emotions, we could respond constructively to the criticism.”

Then the book gives a great technique to handle the negative emotions that come along with being criticized. They modeled this technique by studying people who handle criticism effectively.

“See yourself at some distance….You are watching yourself receiving criticism. Thus you see yourself “out there,” any negative feelings you had during that time will [also] seem “out there,” and you can feel curious about those feelings.”

In effect, you replay the criticism in your mind as if you’re looking at it from a third person perspective. You watch yourself receiving the criticism as if you’re another person entirely. This helps you disassociate from the critical comments so you can get past the hurt feelings.

This has been backed up in other research studies too. According to a study reported in Psychology Today:

“Participants reported feeling significantly less emotional pain when they envisioned the memory using a third-person perspective than when using a first-person perspective. Further, utilizing a psychologically distant vantage point also allowed them to reconstruct their understanding of their experiences and reach new insights and feelings of closure.”

I don’t know why exactly it works, but it does. After I replayed the criticism for our trip to Turkey using a third-person point of view, I felt a lot better about it. It allowed me to move away from the negative criticisms and get them out of my head.

Benjamin Franklin on Turning Critics into Friends

So that’s how you handle criticism. But what should you do about the critics and the haters themselves?

One big lesson I learned about haters comes from Benjamin Franklin.

As Benjamin Franklin went from success to success, he naturally gained a few enemies along the way. When he started running for the position of clerk in a club, they started bashing him. One person in particular critiqued him at every opportunity.

Rather than confront the person directly, Franklin decided to take a different tactic. He sent a letter to the hater asking to borrow a rare and curious book from his library.

Renowned as a discerning book collector and founder of a library, Franklin had a respectable reputation in the literary community. The man was so flattered that he immediately sent the book. A week later, Franklin sent it back with a thank you note.

The next time they met, the hater had changed his attitude completely. Eventually they developed a friendship which lasted all the way to his death.

How did this happen?

The thing that Franklin did right was that he directed his efforts at changing the person’s behavior, not his attitude.

Most people think attitude determines behavior, but it’s actually the other way around. Our behavior determines attitude.

When Franklin asked his biggest critic to lend him a valuable book, he was getting the person to do something nice for him. Since people generally only do favors for those they like, his attitude adjusted to fit the behavior.

In fact, the more nice things someone does for you, the nicer they’ll become. It may sound counter-intuitive, but if you get someone to do something nice for you, they’ll rationalize in their head that they must like you and their attitude will change as a result.

Clashing with haters about their attitude head-on will probably just bring on more hate. However, if you change their behavior, you’ll find that the person who was once a critic is now a friend.

To quote Franklin: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
photo credit: Brandon Warren

3 Ridiculously Simple Rules to Get Into the Best Shape of Your Life

Steve Bloom 18 Comments

Rules to Get Into the Best Shape of Your Life

Have you ever asked one of those big weightlifters in the gym for advice on how to get into shape? I have. They often go on long tangents describing specific workouts they do and talk on and on about what foods to eat and supplements to take. It’s all extremely detailed and unwieldy information.

It doesn’t need to be that complex.  Unless you’re a fitness fanatic, you don’t need to sort through all this information. Getting into shape doesn’t require you to know the latest supplements or the difference between a sumo and Romanian dead-lift.

I like to keep things simple. My rules for getting into great shape are about as stripped down and basic as you can get. I’m very disciplined at what I do, but I don’t try to over-complicate it.

My results speak for themselves. I’m only 5’11”, but I weigh almost 200 pounds with barely any fat on me (no six pack, but I have a four pack going on) – and I only work out about two to three hours a week.

What I do is simple.  So simple, in fact, that there are only three “must follow” rules.  These are what need to be done before you begin thinking about the more complex parts of working out.

1. Set three specific times a week for the gym and consistently go

This is the most important rule of the three I list here. You must do this before seeing any results whatsoever.  There’s no way to get around it.

Feel tired? Go anyway. Not enough time? Make time.

Spread the three days throughout the week to give yourself some time for rest in between each session.  I tend to spend each day working out a particular area of my body (back, legs and upper body), but you might decide to do it differently.

And don’t just randomly set times, be specific about when to go and stick to it.  You should get to a point when a specific time such as Monday at 5PM=”gym time”.

By setting specific days and times, you’ll make it a part of your routine.  The trick is to get to a point when it becomes something you automatically do – not something you have to keep reminding yourself about. Keep in mind that it doesn’t need to take much time, I usually workout only 30-45 minutes a session.

If you build momentum and consistently fit it in, you’ll find yourself going more and more. The more you go, the more likely you are to go again.

2. Work your butt off

A lot of people go into specific details on how much weight to lift or how many reps to do. Some guys keep detailed journals about their workouts.

Honestly, I don’t care about any of that.

All you should be concerned about is that you’re pushing yourself. Just work out and lift weights until you can’t do any more. That might mean working out for an hour or maybe only 30 minutes.  Just go until your muscles are tired.

(Sidenote: women should lift weights too. After my wife started lifting weights, she got into better shape than she’s ever been – and she didn’t get too big or have huge muscles like a guy or anything like that. If you’re still not convinced, read this.)

The trouble with most people is their focus on lifting heavier weights.  Instead of doing that, I look into what will get me into better shape.  If I can do that with less weight, I will.  But usually I just do a mix of heavier weights with fewer reps and vice versa until I give my muscles a good workout.

So how do you know if you’re working your butt off? Here are two signs you’re doing it right.

The first is this: immediately after your workout, you should feel tired and slightly sleepy. If you’re yawning, that’s a good sign.

The second is that your muscles should be sore the next day or two. If they aren’t sore, you’re not doing enough. Do more.

3. Make meals at home and eat out only once a week (preferably less)

People get some hardcore advice on the subject of food. They’re told that eating healthy means consuming only raw vegetables, fruits, whole grains and avoiding bad fats while eating good fats and when to eat simple or complex carbohydrates.

Making it this complex is confusing. It seems too strict for anyone other than the most devoted health nuts.

Here’s my simpler solution: eat out only once a week.

That includes fast food, restaurants and anything related to eating out. That goes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

You hear a lot about how bad fast food is for you, but restaurant meals can be just as bad – or even worse. Even the so call “health options” in restaurants can be bad for you.

According to a study from an American Cancer Society researcher, people who eat out (both restaurants and fast food) consume 200 extra calories than eating at home and take in more saturated fat, sugar and salt. Foods in restaurants are more energy-dense and the portions are larger which means people eat more than they would otherwise.

Cook more food at home and make your own meals and you’ll eat much healthier. Even if they’re boxed meals at first.

And it doesn’t need to take much time either. My wife and I cook at home all the time and neither of us even like doing it. But we’ve found a wide variety of extremely simple and quick meals that take ten minutes or less.

One meal we occasionally do takes less than five. (microwave both a bag of mixed frozen vegetables and a can of pork and beans separately. Mix together and it’s surprisingly good.)

Cooking at home might seem time-consuming, but it actually saves time for us overall. Making these quick meals takes a lot less time than going out somewhere, ordering food and waiting to get it.

At first, eating at home so frequently can seem like a pain, but it gets much easier as you do it. Just that switch alone will help you eat healthier.
Photo credit: Louish Pixel

The Starving Homeless Cat and Lessons on Making the World a Better Place

Steve Bloom 18 Comments

The Starving Homeless Cat

When I was living in Morocco, I saw stray cats everywhere. Often hissing and scratching whenever anyone came near, they were angry and filthy. People kept their distance.

Moving to Houston, I was confronted with a similar problem. While nowhere near as bad as Morocco, there were a few feral cats in my neighborhood.

One cat in particular, setup residence just outside my apartment. Whenever I opened the door, she was lying either on my porch or in the bushes out front.

At first, I treated her like a pest – just like everyone did with the ones in Morocco. As I passed by, I didn’t give her a second look and she would run off and keep watch from a distance.

I told myself that it was only a stray cat – who cares what happens to her?

Then one day, for whatever reason, I took a closer look. On inspection, I noticed she was beaten up and so hungry that I could almost make out her ribs.

It was the first time I took notice of how much this animal was suffering. Realizing that I had been ignoring her pain for months tore me up inside.

I’m a big proponent of building a better life and making the world a better place, but here was a living reminder of how much more I could be doing. How did I walk past this cat for so long and fail to notice how much she was suffering?

A big problem was my mindset.

When I lived in Morocco, I had ingrained this idea that stray cats were pests and should be treated as vermin. But this mindset clouded my judgement and I overlooked the needs of a poor creature right outside my door.

That all changed.

I walked into my apartment and got a small cup of cat food (I have my own cat) and laid some out to feed her. She was incredibly scared at first, but eventually came closer and closer.

As she crept out of the shadows to eat, she became more trusting. Eventually she got close enough to let me pet her

Weeks passed. The more I fed her, the more friendly and trusting she became. She even started to approach me and meow when I came near.

I looked up information on the best practices to take care of feral cats. Houston has a free program to vaccinate and neuter strays, but this cat had already been taken in (you can tell by her ear which had been clipped).

Now that I’ve been feeding her and giving her positive attention, she has come out of the shadows. She’s lively and energetic and well-fed enough so you no longer see her ribs.

Because of my actions, she’s no longer needlessly suffering.

What I Learned About Making the World a Little Better

It’s easy to look at the world and see all the big problems going on around us. When we hear about injustice and violence, we want to do something.

Most of these problems are outside our control; there’s little we can do about the things we see happening in the news. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything to make the world better.

Think about how to make your surroundings a little better – the things and people you actually interact with on a regular basis.

Do a random act of kindness.

Stand up for someone who needs help.

Make someone smile.

Volunteer.

It starts by recognizing what you can do to help. In Morocco, no one gave a second thought to the stray cats. Even local Moroccans seemed not to notice the problem – most had no clue why there were so many stray cats to begin with.

But because they ignored the stray cats, it continued to be a problem there. Many cats needlessly suffer and die there because no one will take the time to do anything about it.

That’s what I had become too – someone who saw a clear problem but simply ignored it or refused to believe that it was there at all.

As Edmund Burke once said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” This cat taught me that I can’t just sit back and let bad things happen without doing something about it. If I just let this cat slowly starve to death, how could I possibly forgive myself?

Making the world a better place isn’t a one person job. It’s all our jobs. Think of how wonderful the world would be if we all just spent a little time trying to improve it.

As small as it may seem, by helping this cat, I’m making the world just a little better – it’s an extremely tiny, fraction better – but still better.

Even small efforts, if done by many people, can make a noticeable difference.

And really, that’s all most of us can do. For most people, making the world a better place starts by doing good at home.

6 Tips to Do Crazy Things that Scare You

Steve Bloom 26 Comments

Do Something Crazy

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

When I was a little boy, I was afraid of just about everything. Too shy to make many friends, I kept my social circle small. I shunned change and risk-taking; the thought of doing something crazy like traveling to another country didn’t appeal to me.

As I grew up, I started noticing all the opportunities I’d been missing. My own fear made me miss out on fun adventures and many potential friends.

So one day I decided I had to face down the things that scared me. If a great opportunity came along, I had to take it – no matter how scary it seemed.

Funnily enough, the more I did the things that scared me, the more I realized just how safe these things actually were. Instead of running away from crazy, scary things, I started to run towards them.

The little boy who was once afraid of travel started to visit exotic far-off locations. I did things that once seemed way too crazy to attempt like swimming with sharks in Belize or hanging out with locals in Vietnam.

I stretched my social skills too. Long ago, the thought of approaching a cute girl and starting up a conversation seemed terrifying. So I faced that fear and started striking up conversations whenever I wanted.

It didn’t feel like life was passing me by anymore. In fact, doing things that scared me made me feel more alive than I’d ever felt. Nothing seemed beyond my reach.

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.

1. Minimize thinking once you’ve decided to do it

Fear is an expectation of what might happen in the future if we take a certain course of action.  Because we don’t know what will happen on the scary path, the uncertainty can feed our fears and make us envision all the potential bad things that might happen.  It’s easy to get lost in these thoughts and psych yourself out before you even take the first step.

Train your brain to ignore these thoughts. When you’re mind starts racing, calm it down and get back to reality. Many of the fears you’ll focus on will be nothing but your imagination going wild.  It’s good to be aware of all the potential dangers, but you can’t dwell on them.

2. Scary things=growth

Remind yourself that the biggest moments of growth happen when you do something scary. It’s always scariest the moment you move away from your comfort zone and try something completely different.

Sticking to the safe and familiar will assure that you continue to see the same results in your life.  By moving away from the norm and facing down those fears, you’ll get places you’ve never been before.  To get somewhere you’ve never been, you have to do things you’ve never done.

3. Get pumped up to do it

Fear isn’t the only feeling you’ll get when you think about trying something crazy; it can also feel thrilling and exciting.  But too often, the fear overrides those feelings keeping you from actually doing it.

Pump yourself up.  Get so excited that fear is crowded out and diminished in size.  When you feel that exciting energy surging inside you, you’ll get the inspiration and motivation to get yourself going and you’ll think less about the fears you might have.

4. Start small, aim big

Let’s say that you want to skydive. It might be too scary an idea to immediately hop on a plane, go to 16,000 feet and parachute out. You might be jumping the gun a little.

That’s why skydiving places have a period of preparation and training involved before you even step into a plane.  They know it’s important to build up to that big moment.

It’s okay to start off with small, steady steps to reach one big scary goal. By taking it in small, more manageable chunks, you’ll find it’s easier to keep pushing yourself to the end.  All that matters is that you’re moving forward to something that you ultimately want to do.

5. Distance yourself from how crazy you think it is

One mental trick that works well for me is to distance myself from the crazy thing I want to do. That can help prevent you from getting too into the moment and psyching yourself out.

Approach it as if you’re another person.  See yourself as an observer of the situation almost as if you’re watching yourself.  The main idea is to just get outside of your head and dissociate yourself from what’s going on.  By disengaging with the situation, it won’t seem as scary.

6. Change your attitude about fear

It’s not always best to examine our feelings of fear on an emotional level.  Rather than tackling them that way, we should take a closer look at our attitude towards it.

Think back to the last time you did something really scary.  It didn’t seem so scary after the fact, did it?

That situation goes for all fear – it goes away once you’ve actually done it.  It just drifts away because the reality isn’t as scary as the fantasy happening inside your head.

Whatever you’re thinking about doing will be exactly the same.  You’ll feel scared before doing it, but feel better once it’s over.  If you don’t do it, that fear will always be with you.  Imagining that fear vanishing away after the fact can be a good source of motivation.  All you have to do is just start.  Do it now and let the fear fall away later.
photo credit: Matthew Kenwrick

6 Things Everyone Hates But Should Actually Be Thankful For

Steve Bloom 35 Comments

Things Everyone Hates But Should Be Grateful

Over the years, gratitude has been getting a lot of attention. As well it should. Counting our blessings has been shown in studies to improve health, mood and mental well-being. The benefits seem endless.

Making lists of what you’re thankful for is therapeutic because we can focus on the good and forget about the bad.

But are the bad things we leave off really that bad?

If we made a complete list of reasons to be thankful, it would have to include things people often complain about and actively try to avoid whenever possible.

These are things people would probably rank dead last on reasons to be grateful. But that’s only because people don’t realize that they should be thankful for them to begin with.

The truth is that a lot of good can come out of bad. Despite being the source of anger for so many people, these things can actually be very beneficial.

Things like:

1. Stress

No on likes stress, right? Even the name “stress” itself seems to have a harsh sound to it. And certainly, chronic stress can have negative consequences such as weight gain or depression.

Long periods of intense stress can be harmful, but short bursts of it actually has many amazing benefits.

Brief periods of stress can improve brain function and memory and boost your immune system. Added benefits include increased clarity, a general appreciation for one’s circumstances and better mental toughness.

Moreover the benefits of stress seem to increase based on your mental attitude. If you think it’s all harmful, it will negatively impact your health and well-being. But according to researchers adopting a “stress can be good” mindset actually increases the benefits you get from it.

So as weird as it might seem, taking the time to be thankful for stress can be good for your health.

2. Uncertainty about the future

The future is like a big question mark with plenty of uncertainty about what will happen. The unknown is fear-inducing as we worry about what troubles might be lurking around the corner.

But what would life be like if you knew everything that would ever happen to you? Imagine how boring and mundane it all would be. Yes, you’d be prepared for the bad times, but what about the good? If you knew everything that was going to happen, all those good moments waiting for you would seem less thrilling and less wonderful.

Uncertainty is a big part of what makes an exciting and fulfilling life. Not knowing what the future has in store for us can be scary, but that’s the fun of anticipation – seeing what happens.

3. Adversity and problems

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” – Bruce Lee

The University of Buffalo surveyed 2400 people repeatedly over a period of four years. Those who reported more adversity and difficulties actually had better mental health and well-being compared to those who had less.

The study highlights the connection between adversity and growth. It’s a sign that you’re pushing yourself to take on challenges others would simply avoid. Those who never experience adversity usually choose the easy life which is rarely exciting or fulfilling.

The only people who don’t experience difficulties are the ones who are standing still. Seeing your problems and difficulties purely in a negative light is misleading; they might just be signs of progress.

4. Pain

Some of us dream of a pain-free life. Some people are actually born without the ability to feel pain and would tell you that we don’t appreciate it as much as we should.

Pain is unpleasant and disruptive, but focusing entirely on the negative qualities ignores its positive motivational side. Would we change as quickly without pain?

Think of all the good things you’ve done because of pain. For example, you might have proposed to your girlfriend because the pain of losing her was too much. Maybe you pursued your dream because leaving it unfulfilled became too painful.

Seeing pain as entirely negative is missing the point about its purpose. It’s just a signal – that’s it. Yes, it’s an unpleasant signal, but if it pushes you in the right direction, is it really as bad as you think?

5. Our enemies

“We should value our enemies because they provide us with unique opportunities to practice patience, tolerance and forbearance.” – Dalai Lama

Just mentioning the name of an enemy can cause feelings of resentment and anger. But as much as you dislike your enemies, they can serve a real purpose beyond annoyance and frustration.

Your enemies are an opportunity to learn tolerance of others and the wisdom to respond to mean-spiritedness with kindness and compassion. Their irritability provides a chance to develop patience and calmness.

In addition, the competition you get with an enemy can be good for the mind. As they challenge your opinion or point of view, your mind quickly sharpens through debate and discussion. Each new verbal attack either strengthens your argument or reveals blind spots.

A good enemy can also be a major source of motivation. Striving to beat them, you work hard to make sure you reach your own goals ahead of them.

6. Making mistakes

It’s only natural to look at mistakes with some sense of regret. We hate making them and it’d be great if we just did everything perfectly. But as Alexander Pope famously stated, “to err is human.” Mistakes are going to happen – it’s a fundamental part of our nature.

But let’s get something straight. You become a better person because of mistakes, not despite them.

We can’t change much about making mistakes, but we can change our response to them. Continually repeating mistakes or failing to recognize them is misguided. Mistakes are only beneficial when we learn from them and use them as lessons to a better future.

Don’t regret mistakes; they’re valuable lessons in wisdom. That’s something to definitely be grateful for.
photo credit: Daniel Hoherd

8 Powerful Beliefs of People Who Reach Their Full Potential

Steve Bloom 18 Comments

Powerful Beliefs

There’s something compelling about underdog stories. You know the ones I’m talking about. The hero of the story is faced with a challenging obstacle or sinister threat and needs to dig down, deep inside to discover inner strengths and attain new heights.

It’s like Rocky who works harder and harder to defeat superior opponents or Harry Potter who needs to find his inner strength and resolve to battle Voldemort.

There’s a reason we like stories like these: it’s inspiring to think there might be more to us beneath the surface. They make us wonder what we might find if we take a look into ourselves.

These stories are about self-reflection and working hard to discover hidden potential. But more importantly, they’re about belief in finding what lies inside.

Belief can have a big impact on our potential. When I look back on my past to a time when I quit or didn’t succeed, I can usually pinpoint it to a limiting belief holding myself back. It’s strange how often just changing the way I think can change the way I act.

It reminds me of this famous quote:

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford

There’s a big truth behind this quote. Our thoughts and beliefs can have a profound effect on performance. Just having the right mindset can influence our behavior and abilities more than anything else.

Here are some good thoughts to get into the right mindset.

1. If I ask more of myself, I’ll get it

I see this principle in action frequently at the gym. People will lift the same amount of weight in their workouts for weeks on end and wonder why they’ve plateaued. If they just added more weight, their muscles would adapt and grow.

Don’t be afraid to push yourself a little and do more than normal. It’s easy to think we’ve reached our limits, but too often it’s just an illusion. The only way to reach a new level is to push yourself to do more.

2. It’s not too late to start

By the time Grandma Moses finished her painting career, she had been included in some of the most prestigious art galleries around the country, landed the cover of major magazines and sold thousands of dollars of artwork.

Such an impressive story for someone who didn’t start painting until her late 70s.

We all have inner skills and abilities inside us that we might not have discovered when we were younger. That’s no reason not to set aside time to discover it now. As an old Chinese proverb goes, “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”

3. I can always learn what I need to know

A lack of knowledge is no reason to stop yourself from pursuing what you want to do.

When I first started blogging, I didn’t know the first thing about WordPress, HTML, Twitter or – well, just about anything. But I started anyway because I knew that I could learn it as needed. Now that it’s years down the road, I’ve learned all of those things (and much more).

No one starts off knowing everything they need to. Even rocket scientists and people with PhD’s in physics had to start at the beginning and work their way up. If there’s something you want to do, you have to believe that you can learn what’s needed.

4. Perseverance and hard work will eventually pay off

It’s important to believe that hard work and perseverance will eventually pay off. Sometimes all you have to keep you going is the faith you have in your abilities.

It reminds me of a story I read about an author of about twenty books. I can safely say you’ve never heard of him simply because he never sent out a single one to a publisher. Not one.

He desperately wanted to be published, but was too afraid of rejection. The whole situation was a catch-22 keeping him perpetually away from getting published.

You have to be that kind of person who can persevere and keep trying no matter what. You’ll often hear “no” a lot, but you keep going for that one “yes” that will make all your efforts worthwhile.

5. There is no glass ceiling

It’s an invisible barrier separating you from the upper echelons. Something you perceive is holding you back from attaining the next level.

Perhaps it’s a limiting belief. Maybe you’re holding back because what you want to do has never been done before.

But there’s less holding you back then you realize. Thinking like this is often just in your head preventing you from reaching new heights.

6. I have untapped abilities waiting to be discovered

The more I reach into myself to see what I’m capable of doing, the more surprised I am by what I can accomplish. It only makes me wonder what else is lying dormant inside me.

People who reach their full potential realize there is more to who they are. They understand that overlooked abilities and untapped skills are just waiting to be discovered. All you have to do is believe they are there waiting for you to find them.

7. Even small progress is good

It’s easy to dismiss small progress as too insignificant to matter, but it does.

Think about a runner who makes small incremental 1% improvements to his strength, endurance or speed. It starts slowly, but steadily the improvements accumulate. Over time, those small steady steps will eventually add up to create a powerful runner.

All progress is good, even the small steps. We tend to celebrate the big achievements while ignoring the little ones, but that isn’t the best approach. Small progress might not seem like much, but over time, they can pile up and make a massive difference.

8. It’s important to start before I’m ready

Writing my first book, I knew full well that I had major gaps in planning – how was I going to format the book? How was I going to find a cover image? I didn’t have everything planned out, but I began, knowing that I would eventually solve all these problems.

You can sit around and try to prepare for every eventuality that comes your way, but you’ll never be fully prepared for everything. Start before you’re ready and know that you’ll have to face these problems. But also know that you’ll be able to find a way around them.

Diving right in is the surest way to get going. Patience may be a virtue, but if that means waiting and planning until you’re completely ready, you’re going to be waiting far longer than necessary.
photo credit: niko si

The Lies Your Mind Tells You that Hold You Back

Steve Bloom 15 Comments

Lies Your Mind Tells You
It’s amazing how often our minds lie to us.

We’ll think of excuses to not do something instead of admitting it’s procrastination.

We’ll try to justify bad choices rather than call them mistakes.

Then there are negative thoughts and beliefs telling us what we can’t do.

Why do we let this happen?

Lies are usually told to avoid trouble or as a way to get something from another person. There’s really no reason to lie to ourselves. You’d think that we’d always want to tell ourselves the truth.

And there’s a big problem when it comes to lying to ourselves: it can hinder our growth and ability to improve our lives.

For example, when I graduated from college, I got a job in a big corporate office. After a few months of working, I realized I didn’t enjoy it as much as I expected.

But I kept telling myself that I would eventually get used to it. In my mind, the job was a good fit and I just needed to give it more time. If something was wrong, it was my attitude, not the job itself.

Unfortunately, I was just deceiving myself. One day I faced the truth that I hated working in the corporate world and had to find another line of work.

This repeated lie hindered my progress. It was the only thing keeping me in a job I hated. If I had just accepted the truth earlier, I could have done something about it sooner.

Truth is the First Step to Positive Change

Lies don’t do us any good. If something isn’t working, we should be honest. When we do something wrong, we should own the mistake.

It reminds me of a time when I was in middle school. Sitting next to a friend at lunch, he told me that when I get nervous or anxious, I bite my nails – something I didn’t even realize I was doing. Apparently the habit was getting out of control.

I was naturally embarrassed and didn’t want to hear it, but then he made a really great point:

He said it’s way better to hear the horrible truth from a friend rather than be unaware of a problem that needs to be corrected.

He was right. It was better to hear the embarrassing truth rather than have the problem continue.

Because he was willing to tell me the truth, I could do something about it; his honesty improved my life.

We all need to be our own best friend. We all need to be someone who is willing to tell the truth to ourselves even if it’s unpleasant or embarrassing.

Otherwise you may hinder personal growth and leave big problems unchecked.

Radical Self-Honesty

Let’s say you’re making excuses to not do something. Instead of being honest that you’re procrastinating, you’ll say you’re too tired or that the timing isn’t right.

Those excuses are lies masking the real problem: procrastination. They make a real problem more likely to continue.

Mentally you’re justifying your bad behavior which makes you more likely to do it in the future. After all, you don’t feel so bad about procrastinating when you have a reason to do it.

It’s easier to tell yourself that you like a job or relationship you hate rather than admit you don’t. That means facing an uncomfortable truth you’d rather not deal with.

But you have to deal with these things if you want your life to improve.

Lately I’ve started to watch my thoughts to see when I’m being honest with myself and when I’m not. My goal is complete self-honesty.

I won’t tell myself excuses or justify misbehavior. If I’m procrastinating, I will be honest about it. If I make a big mistake, I won’t try to cover it up. I’ll get rid of any self-limiting thoughts.

The goal is to be my own best friend who is willing to say things I might not want to hear. This will help me uncover problems so I can make improvements.

Be Your Own Best Friend

You need to take control over your thoughts and be honest.  If you don’t, you’ll ensure that whatever you’re covering up continues to make your life a lot less satisfying.

After all, if no one comes around to tell you about a bad habit – whether it’s biting your nails or procrastinating – you may never know it’s there.
photo credit: gato-gato-gato