Author: Steve Bloom

Steve Jobs: How to Follow Your Passion and Change the World

Steve Bloom 3 Comments

Follow Your Passion and Change the World

When Steve Jobs returned to Apple after a 12-year absence, the company was facing a crisis. Quickly running out of cash and close to bankruptcy, Jobs explained his plan to get the company going again.

“Apple is not about making boxes for people to get their jobs done, although we do that well. Apple is about something more. Its core value is that we believe that people with passion can change the world for the better.”

When Jobs said people with passion can change the world, he meant it; it’s a philosophy he lived by and helped shape some of his biggest accomplishments. Looking closely at how he incorporated this philosophy into his life, we can learn a lot of important lessons.

It starts at Reed College where Jobs went to school. He soon discovered that he disliked most of the required courses; so rather than take classes he wasn’t interested in, he dropped out.

But he didn’t stop studying. He arranged with the dean to attend the classes he wanted, just without college credit. This allowed him to continue working on the subjects he was most passionate about.

This reveals the first major point about passion.

#1 – Passion is work that you enjoy

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

Most people think of school as work, which it is. But people like Steve Jobs find work enjoyable.

If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, you’re more likely to quit. It’s hard to keep working on something you don’t like.

The flipside is important too. If you’re not willing to put in the work, no amount of love will get you anywhere.

Both work and enjoyment are essential.

“If you don’t love it, if you’re not having fun doing it…you’re going to give up. And that’s what happens to most people, actually.”

In college, Steve Jobs was still figuring himself out. It wasn’t necessary to be focusing on something important; what mattered more was that he found the love for work.

This is important because once you learn that work can be fun, you can take this mindset with you to other areas of your life, especially once you spot an opportunity.

For Steve Jobs, that opportunity was computers.

And this leads into the next major point.

#2 – Follow your passions that solve problems

“Basically Steve Wozniak and I invented the Apple because…[we] couldn’t afford the computers that were on the market, those computers were impractical for us to use. We needed a Volkwswagen. The Volkswagen isn’t as fast or comfortable as other ways of traveling, but the VW owners can go where they want when they want and with whom they want.”

Steve Jobs was passionate about computers, but he noticed how impractical and poorly designed they were. So he decided to focus this passion into building something much better than anything else on the commercial market.

By focusing his passion on solving a problem, he eventually upended an entire industry and changed the way the world looked at computing.

Following your passion is good, but following your passion to solve a problem is even better.

Steve Jobs worked on this problem mostly by himself out of his parents’ garage, building computer parts and overcoming design problems to build something people wanted to buy.

People were skeptical. Neighbors thought he was odd and dismissed his ideas as a joke. They would never have imagined his future success.

This leads to the next point.

#3 – To be passionate, you need faith in your abilities

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Steve Jobs

When you’re working on something big like starting a business or writing a novel, you need dedication to see it to the end. The future is unknown so when you’re working on problems it’s important to have faith that somehow you’ll find solutions.

For a long time, Steve Jobs was the only one who believed in himself. Even his friend Steve Wozniak only helped out here and there until the business started really growing.

Eventually his design ideas started to come together and they released their first model: the Apple I. From there, his company grew and grew until it became the titan of the electronics world that it is today.

But the lesson remains true: passionate people put faith in themselves. The dots never connect looking forward, only backward.

After many years of success, Apple became a huge company employing a lot of people. But after a few inside squabbles, Jobs suddenly left after a dispute with the board of directors.

Distraught and disappointed, he initially struggled with the idea of what to do next. He flirted with the idea of becoming an astronaut or getting into politics. But he decided to stick with what he loved to do, only this time he’d have to start from the beginning.

This proved to be a major turning point in his life and leads to the next big lesson.

#4 – Look for ways to reinvent yourself and start over

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”

After he left Apple, Jobs started a new computer company called NeXT and financed a new film company called Pixar which would go on to reshape animated films for decades (and made one of my favorite films of recent years Inside Out).

When Apple bought NeXT in 1997, Jobs returned to the company he created. This is when he unleashed some of his most important devices: the iPhone, iPad, iPod, Apps, the iTunes store.

And he credits this creative boom to starting over again as a beginner.

Starting over as a beginner was good because it got rid of entrenched thinking.

Being successful and knowledgeable can sometimes be a little bit of a curse. The minute you think you have something all figured out, you stop looking for new possibilities. You’re less open to new paths.

By starting over again, Jobs got back that beginner’s mindset. He was unsure of how to proceed and had to relearn everything all over again. Rather than be held back with preconceptions, limitations or faulty assumptions, he was open to anything.

It was this “beginner’s mindset” that helped him get rid of limited thinking and opened his mind to new possibilities.

One More Thing…

When Steve Jobs gave speeches, he would famously add extra information at the end by saying the phrase “one more thing…” Well, here’s one more thing.

“You’ve got to put something back into the flow of history that’s going to help your community, help other people…so that 20, 30, 40 years from now…people will say, this person didn’t just have a passion, he cared about making something that other people could benefit from.”

This, I think, is the ultimate lesson. When people look for something to be passionate about, they often look for what the world can offer them. Instead, we should be looking for what we can offer the world. Find a way to be passionate that helps and benefits others – that’s how passionate people change the world.

8 Reasons to Travel While You’re Young

Steve Bloom 5 Comments

Travel While You're Young
Shortly before I became a new parent, I heard a lot of people tell me how my traveling days were over. “Traveling with kids is too expensive,” they said, or “it’s too difficult to arrange.”

When my son was two months old, I got his first passport. He’s almost one year old now and he’s already traveled more than I did by the time I turned twenty (he’s a fantastic traveler, by the way). In just a month, my wife and I will be taking him to Prague for his first big international trip.

My goal is to travel regularly with him throughout his childhood, up until he’s in college and can travel by himself. Not only that, but I want to amass Frequent Flyer Miles for him so he can do it cheaply when he’s on his own.

It’s funny. I don’t hear people telling me that it can’t be done anymore. Now I hear people tell me that it’s a waste of time. “Why take your kid traveling?” they say, or “it doesn’t matter to him where you go so why spend the money?”

Yes, he won’t remember these trips. But he won’t remember anything from his first few years of life anyway – nothing. No one does. Yet, I still do things for his benefit. I read to him at night, hold him, talk to him and tell him I love him.

Because there are a lot of reasons to travel when you’re young – whether you’re a little child or freshly graduated from college, travel can be good for you.

Here’s why:

1. Travel can be a great supplement to education

With travel, comes language, culture, art, history, politics. There’s such a wide range of learning opportunities that can have a big impact on a young mind.

When my son reads Anne Frank’s diary in school, I want to take him to Amsterdam to see her house. If he studies French, it would be great for him to practice with real French speakers. I’d love to take him to Washington D.C. to see where our government works.

Travel makes what you learn come alive. Learning is often done through words or photos on a page. Travel makes it more real – a physical location where events actually happened and real people live.

2. You gain the ability to see life from different perspectives

Traveling broadens the mind to new ideas. The time you spend talking to a Buddhist monk might make you rethink your idea of a happy life. Or maybe a foreign culture sparked a new idea on how to live better.

Spending time somewhere new takes you out of your ordinary routine. It broadens your perspective by giving you a chance to step away from your everyday life and seeing it with new eyes for a while.

3. It stimulates imagination and creativity

Openness to experience is the most common character trait associated with creativity. It’s the willingness to try new things and engage in new experiences. That is the essence of travel.

Travel is about feeding the desire to discover and wonder about the world. We become curious about things and ask questions – which opens the mind even further.

4. It helps build empathy

Empathy – the ability to understand the feelings, situation and motives of another person.

There are plenty of opportunities to meet people while traveling – people with different views and customs. Travel provides a way to see that other people look at things differently and that others don’t always share the same opinions as we do. If we make the effort to understand them, we can get into their head for a while and see things from their point of view.

5. It teaches how to handle adversity

At times, travel can be tough. I’ve been stranded in airports or had to navigate through complicated train stations where no one spoke English. I’ve been lost once or twice while walking through a city.

But each time I go through something hard and come out safely on the other side, I learn more about how to handle adversity. This is a good lesson to learn. Life won’t always be easy, and when you can stare adversity right in the face with experience, you’ll feel better about tackling life’s challenges.

6. Going out of your comfort zone no longer freaks you out

Travel is about trying new things and going to new places. But in the end, all these steps outside your comfort zone helps you grow by breaking down the fear that keeps you inside that comfortable bubble. And eventually, reaching for something new and outside of your experiences doesn’t seem quite as scary.

7. It fights an entitled mindset and builds one of gratitude

It’s really easy to take for granted all the good things we have in the United States – things we don’t even think about such as clean water, access to food or free speech. In some parts of the world, these are things people still fight for.

Travel doesn’t just help you see how other people live, it informs us on how we live too. When you see all the things that other people don’t have it puts a spotlight onto all those things we’ve been taking for granted.

8. It shows the value of experiences over possessions

It’s hard to take a lot with you while traveling. You have to pick and choose what’s important and necessary. By doing this, you start to understand that it doesn’t take many possessions to be happy.

A big part of travel is about experiences – the places, people and ideas you encounter. These experiences will enrich a young mind for a lifetime and show that life is more than the sum of our possessions, but the memories we create.

This Too Shall Pass: Why a Peaceful Life is Found in Impermanence

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This Too Shall Pass

In ancient Persia, a sultan called upon all his wisest men and asked them if there was a mantra he could follow that would help him get through any situation, no matter the time or place, in every joy and sorrow, defeat and victory.

After thinking for a long time on such a puzzling question, the wise men gave the sultan a ring with an inscription on it. They advised him to not look at it until he was in desperate need.

Some time later, a neighboring kingdom attacked and the sultan was forced to flee with the remnants of his army until he was trapped at the end of a road by a deep valley. As he heard his enemies approaching, he fell into deep despair over the hopeless situation.

Then he remembered the ring. He looked down at it to the inscription which read:

“This too shall pass.”

The message affected him greatly. As he thought about it, he calmed down and waited to see if his enemies would discover his whereabouts. Eventually the noise of horses receded and disappeared. The danger had passed.

The sultan immediately regrouped his forces and fought bravely in a counterattack. Eventually he overtook his enemies and regained his empire.

Upon his arrival, the people greeted him as a hero. Flowers showered on him from every house; people danced joyously.

Looking over such a happy occasion, the sultan thought to himself, “I am one of the greatest people alive. No one can defeat me.” As the celebration continued around him, his vanity and ego grew larger.

Suddenly, he remembered the ring with its inscription. He looked down at it again and read it:

“This too shall pass.”

And he realized this celebration is only temporary. He relaxed once again and let his vanity fade into a state of humbleness. Because good times may be temporary, he greeted everyone with a newfound sense of gratitude, resolving to enjoy this moment for as long as it lasts.

Life is Constantly in Flux – All Things Will Pass

This story ties in with a Buddhist concept called “impermanence.” It’s the idea that everything we experience is simply a series of moments. All of existence is in a constant state of flux – nothing is fixed, only temporary.

Rather than seeing our life as one long story arc, “impermanence” sees everything as a constant series of changes.

Life is always evolving. Even around us, things that seem permanent such as mountains are actually going through constant changes as the teutonic forces underneath move and reshape its size and structure.

The idea of impermanence is difficult for some people. Change isn’t always easy to go through and if every moment is only temporary, then nothing – even good times – can last forever.

But there’s a beauty to the idea of impermanence captured by this story. When you accept the idea that “this too shall pass”, you can live a more peaceful life.

When Things Are Going Bad

In the story, the sultan reached one of the lowest points in his life when he was surrounded by his enemies and his empire was on the brink of destruction.

But when he looked at his circumstances as something that was only temporary, he realized that this situation, with all his fear and dread, would somehow eventually end. It could not possibly last forever.

When heartbreak or loss happens in our own lives, we can be too quick to think of it as something permanent. Whether you lost your job, ended a relationship or your college application was rejected, you get caught up in how bad everything is going right at that moment.

It might seem as if you’re stuck, unable to move ahead.

But it’s important to remember that “this too shall pass”. Bad moments don’t last forever. Whether it takes days, weeks or even a few years, eventually circumstances and situations change and difficult situations and hardships get left in the past.

Sometimes that little reminder – “it’s only temporary” – is just what you need to help you get through difficult times.

When Life is Going Well

Focusing on impermanence isn’t just important for bad times though. It’s just as useful for when things are going really well.

After the sultan conquered his enemy and returned victorious to his empire, he was surrounded by a magnificent celebration in his honor. This fueled his ego with vanity and hubris until he looked at the ring and realized that “this too shall pass.”

Here, his problem wasn’t adversity; it was about tempering his own self-image to the good fortune going on around him.

When things are going well for us, we can often let it get to our heads. We grow overconfident and take our situations for granted. By reminding yourself that good times are also temporary, it helps you remember to cherish them.

If you’ve ever loved someone and lost them, then you realize how easy it is to take them for granted.

If you’ve ever had good times come to an end, you know how much you should have spent appreciating and enjoying them.

When the sultan recognized the impermanence of this celebration – and that the future might reverse his good fortune – he let go of his ego so he could make way for gratitude.

By recognizing the impermanence of good times, you remind yourself to see how lucky you are. When you know good times can come to an end, you can’t afford to take anything for granted. It helps you enjoy the time you have and feel more grateful for each good moment that comes your way.

Unlike the sultan, none of us need a ring with this inscription. By just reminding ourselves that “this too shall pass”, we put perspective on the good and bad times in our lives and bring a little more peace to each moment.

7 Reasons Why Helping Others Will Make You Live a Better Life

Steve Bloom 13 Comments

Helping Others

A few years ago, while I was teaching a writing class abroad in Morocco, one of my student’s parents asked to talk to me. She noticed her son had made major progress in his writing and wanted to let me know she appreciated my effort to make the work fun and engaging.

Her appreciation was so sincere and her gratitude so heartfelt that it still gives me a warm feeling just thinking about it.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been so satisfied with anything I’ve done before or since that moment. To know that your work means so much to someone else made me understand the value that comes from helping other people.

The experience also made me realize that helping other people is an important part of living a good life.

Now, just to be clear, I’m not an idealist who thinks that love and charity alone is all that matters. I still make decisions based upon my self-interest.

What I’m saying is that helping others should be done as much as possible. Looking for ways to help others doesn’t just have a positive impact on the people you’re helping, it’s good for everyone. We should want to help others succeed in life because that, in turn, helps ourselves.

Here’s why:

1. It makes you happy: the science of a “helper’s high”

Most of us want to feel like our lives mean something – that we’re making a positive difference in the world. So it’s not surprising that several studies have shown how helping others can boost our sense of happiness.

  • One study showed that helping others through volunteer work increased levels of happiness in the participants.
  • In another study, people were given money to either spend on themselves or give to charity. Those who gave to charity felt happier.
  • Happy workers are more likely to report that they regularly help others.
  • Some studies have shown that children under the age of two report being happier when they give treats away rather than receiving treats themselves.

Scientists have been studying a phenomenon called “helper’s high”: helping others releases endorphins which, in turn, improves mood and boosts self-esteem. In short, helping others feels good. It’s possible that helping others does more for the happiness of the person helping than the person who receives the help.

2. It builds stronger social connections to friends and community

Helping others isn’t a one way street where you do something good for someone and then you both go about your way. When you’ve touched someone’s life in a positive way, you feel connected to them; it’s a bonding experience. It builds trust through cooperation which not only brings them closer to you, it brings you closer to them.

When you choose to help others, especially if it’s face to face, you’re entering their lives in a positive way, reinforcing social connections as you go.

It reminds me of that student’s mother I met. If I hadn’t helped her son so much, I would never have met her – she’d have no reason to meet me. Because of my actions, I made another positive connection to the people around me.

3. You adapt better to stress and adversity by building resilience

It may seem strange, but helping others doesn’t add more stress to your life, it actually helps us manage stress better.

In one study, college students took an immersion trip where they helped the poor. Those who took this trip were assessed months later and were found to manage stress and adversity much better than their peers.

Why is that?

It’s about perspective. By looking at the challenges of others’ lives, you can take that point of view into your own. It makes you more accepting of the stress and hardships we all have to face.

Sometimes we lose that perspective in a culture obsessed with celebrities living glorified lives, seemingly carefree. But helping others takes us back to reality by reminding ourselves that most people struggle – and that it’s ok if we do too.

4. It’s good for your career

There are many factors to think about when trying to find a satisfying career: autonomy, creative freedom and meaning are a few examples. But one of the biggest things to consider is how your work impacts others.

People who work as a medical professional, psychologist, religious figure or firefighter often give high ratings of job satisfaction. The connection between all of these professions is that they all help people on a regular basis.

Those who are happiest in their job, more committed and less likely to quit make it a priority to help others – either co-workers or customers.

Even if your job doesn’t deal with people directly, it can help to think about how your work helps people in some way. By taking time to think about what you do and how it helps people in some capacity, you’ll feel better about it – even if it’s just a little.

5. It’s good for business

What’s the goal of a business? One answer might be making money by selling a product or service. Yes, that’s true. But I’d take it a step further: businesses make money by finding ways to help people.

Look at these examples:

Google was created to make searching the internet easier and faster, with better results.

Gyms earn money by providing a place to exercise.

Uber is trying to make on-demand car service better.

Amazon simplified online buying and selling so it’s easier.

Businesses often seem shady because they’re seen as money-driven. The image of a corporate raider using sneaky tactics to weasel their way through a system is commonplace, and there is some truth to it. Not all companies help others – cigarette companies for example.

But the companies that do best, focus on helping others and solving their problems. Both Steve Jobs and Henry Ford revolutionized the world by solving problems people didn’t even realize they had. Businesses that solve problems in the best and cheapest way will win – and we win right along with them.

6. Better health; it can make you live longer

If you want to live longer, be a giver. At least that’s the conclusion of a huge study on volunteer work. The link between better health and helping others is striking.

  • It lowers rates of depression and puts you in a better mood.
  • It lowers your risk of dying by at least 22%.
  • It’s good for your mental health.

The researchers were careful to not draw conclusions about why helping others is so good for health, but it probably has something to do with the social contact we make while doing it.

We’re hardwired for social interactions which includes a lot of touch, eye contact and smiles. Such interactions release a hormone called Oxytocin which helps us bond and care for others and helps us manage stress. Not only that, but doing good makes us happier which, in turn, makes us healthier.

7. It can help you find meaning in your life

There’s a link between helping others and finding meaning in your life. And it’s not just those who have already found purpose giving back. Instead, helping others can actually CREATE a sense of meaning in our lives.

Helping others fulfills some of our most basic needs such as connecting with others and seeing how your actions make a positive difference. Those are the areas that help define a meaningful life.

The idea that there is a link between a meaningful life and helping others is actually a rather old one. Carol Ryff, a psychologist, reviewed the writings of numerous philosophers and thinkers throughout history and found one overarching ideas: that helping others is “a central feature of a positive, well-lived life.”

A meaningful life isn’t found, but created through our actions. And it starts with looking for ways to help others.

Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision

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Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision

Through the course of our lives, we’re confronted with a lot of big decisions. Who should I marry? Should I quit the job I don’t like or stay in it? What major do I want to pursue in college?

We worry about such decisions because they have a huge impact on our lives. The major you pick in college will influence the jobs you can get. Marrying someone means making a serious commitment.  We want to make sure we make the right decisions.

When it comes to making the right decision, I’ll be going over two major points in this post.

  1. Why spending a lot of effort finding the “right” decision is usually a waste of time (and can actually make your decision worse).
  2. What you should do instead of worrying about making the “right” decision.

Is there a “Best” Choice?

Think back to a big decision you’ve had to make in the past – one you worried about. With a wealth of information online you probably looked up everything you could, spending hours digging up every scrap of data.

Most people assume that more information is better. The more informed you are, the better decision you’ll make, right?

Well, it’s actually the opposite. More information often makes decision-making harder and leads to more mistakes.

Here’s an example to consider: let’s say you’re offered a job which requires you to move to across the country.

So you look online to compare your current city to the new one. You consider things like: weather, traffic, cost of living, entertainment, culture, festivals, museums, sports teams, the dating pool, parks, airports, the cost of the move, the crime rate, the pros and cons of the new job, leaving friends and family behind.

Then maybe you start to consider a third option of applying to a job somewhere else and, by this point, it has become a confusing mess.

Here’s why looking at all that information weakens your ability to make a good decision.

1. When we make decisions, we compare bundles of information (in the case above it’s the pros and cons of moving). So a decision is harder if the amount of information you have to juggle is greater because you can’t keep track of it all.

2. The brain pays more attention to the most recent information and discounts what came earlier (It’s called the “recency effect”). This means your mind puts more weight on the last bits of information which are usually the least important.

3. When you keep collecting information, your mind doesn’t get the time it needs to process it all. It can’t just sit back and let it sink in.

Worse yet, putting pressure on yourself to make the right choice can increase anxious feelings about it. The greater the pressure, the bigger the fear of making the wrong decision.

And when you do finally make your decision, you’ll be less happy about it. Here’s why:

Over-worrying about a decision puts too much focus on finding the “best choice”. This makes it harder to fully commit to the choice once it’s been made because there will always be some doubt left over; the mind will question if it was good or not. All this second-guessing makes it hard to be satisfied and happy with it.

There’s a big flaw in trying to find the “best” choice. Most decisions have good and bad aspects to them. Time spent eliminating the ones you definitely know are wrong is good. But after that, more information won’t help.

Rather than seeing decisions as good or bad, see them as a spectrum of possibilities. There is no right or wrong, just different outcomes.

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another…There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities.” – Deepak Chopra

What to Do Instead of Looking for the “Right” Decision

Here’s what Scott McNealy, CEO and co-founder of Sun Microsystems, said about decisions in a lecture:

“It’s important to make good decisions. But I spend much less time and energy worrying about ‘making the right decision’ and much more time and energy ensuring that any decision I make turns out right.”

Worrying about the right decision puts too much emphasis on the moment of choice. But the time after you’ve made the choice is a lot longer – and often more important.

Don’t worry so much on making the “right” decision. Spend more time making sure the decision you make turns out right.

Because here’s the truth:

You can spend hours, days or even months trying to make the right decision by researching every piece of information you can find and analyzing every potential angle – and it can still fail.

It’s also true that a mediocre decision can turn out well, with enough effort to make it work.

The decision you make matters less than the follow through. Instead of finding the “right” decision, focus your efforts on what happens after the decision has been made.

9 Things People Who Love Their Lives Do Differently

Steve Bloom 3 Comments

Loving Life

“Your mission: Be so busy loving your life that you have no time for hate, regret or fear.” – Karen Salmansohn

I love the way this quote describes loving life as a “mission”. This word infuses the search for a life you love with the sense of purpose and importance it deserves. Building a life you love isn’t something we should do as a side project when there’s time; it should be a big reason to make changes and improve ourselves.

In some respects, loving life has been my mission ever since I started this blog. Rather than greet the new day with indifference, my mission was to be excited to see the rising sun each morning and reach a point where I’m grateful simply to be alive.

Due to the ever-changing circumstances of life, I don’t think there will ever be an end to this mission. But I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way.

Are you ready to accept your mission? Here’s where to get started.

1. They learn to set boundaries with others and create possibilities for themselves

Healthy boundaries define who you are in relation to others. Setting clear expectations about what you accept and tolerate can define how others treat you. It’s important to set these boundaries in order to allow yourself room and freedom to grow as an individual.

Learn to be selective and say no. Turn down requests for your time that are unwanted and unimportant. Set clear boundaries for unacceptable behavior. People often just treat you the way you let them.

But at the same time you’re saying no to others, it’s important to say yes to yourself. Those ideas and grand plans you imagine will never become real unless you give yourself permission to do them; no one else will come along and say “yes” to your ideas – just you.

People who love their lives don’t let those ideas simmer and stew in their heads until they’re crushed under the weight of fear and doubt, they find reasons to do them. They say “yes” to themselves.

2. “Be like water” – be flexible and adapt to your many roles

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.” – Bruce Lee

I’m not the same person I was five or ten years ago. As life has progressed, I’ve changed and adapted to new situations and circumstances.

But I’m not exactly the same person from moment to moment either. I take on many different roles throughout the day – husband, father, writer, son, friend, citizen, traveler – each one requires me to play a slightly different part with different expectations and codes of conduct.

Times change. Situations change. People change. All life is change.

An inability to adapt to these changes can be frustrating and lead to anger as you struggle against the new situation in front of you. “Be like water” as Bruce Lee put it, being adaptable enough to fit into the changes that will surely come.

3. They eliminate the excess to make room for what’s important

Our lives are constrained by one overwhelming limitation: time. We only have 24 hours in a day to live our lives. It’s important to take a step back and think about how we fill that time up.

If you’re filling that time with unwanted tasks, you’re taking time away from something you might love to be doing.

If you’re spending that time with toxic relationships, you’re taking time away from positive ones.

The world is a pretty demanding place – filled with tasks and decisions, stuff to do and people to see – some of those might not really add much value to your life. If you trim away the unimportant, you make room for the beautiful life you have hidden underneath.

A good life isn’t often about having more, it’s about having less. When you eliminate things like unnecessary tasks or toxic people – things that don’t add value – you’ll find more time for the things that bring joy into your life.

4. They focus on what matters – Don’t see the forest for the trees

A few days ago my wife and I brought food home from a restaurant. When we looked through it, we realized that the order was messed up – some items were missing. We were so angered and frustrated that it started to ruin our evening.

Then we realized the food was only a little detail to our night. It wasn’t the big picture – it wasn’t even the most important part of the picture.

What mattered most was having dinner with someone I love – the conversation, the affection, the good moment we were sharing. That’s what I should have been focusing on.

It’s often said that it’s the little things in life that make you happy. But the opposite can also be true. LIttle things can make us angry – angry enough to make us lose sight of what truly matters. Don’t let the focus on little details make you miss the important things happening around you.

5. They don’t let others’ expectations define what a good life is

How do you measure a life? Success? Money? Fame? What exactly is the yardstick we should be using?

Perhaps the answer to a good life is one that makes you happy. But that just begs the question: what makes you happy?

Defining a good life means figuring out the things that bring you joy and purpose and meaning. It’s a personal discovery that takes into consideration our own values and desires.

Others might try to tell you what it is or set expectations on you. They’ll try to convince you what you should or shouldn’t be doing with your life, but they can’t make that decision for you – it’s too personal. Ultimately, how to define a good life is something we all need to decide for ourselves.

6. They explore their own mortality so they can learn how to live

“The truth is, Mitch, once you learn how to die, you learn how to live…Most of us walk around as if we’re sleepwalking. We really don’t experience the world fully because we’re half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do…Learn how to die, and you learn how to live.” – from Tuesdays With Morrie

To many people, death is a topic to avoid, an uncomfortable reminder of our own frail existence. Most people ignore or make jokes about it because it’s too depressing. But this way of thinking conceals something useful from thinking about death: motivation to live.

People who are close to death often reflect on life and think about what really matters to them. They become emotionally and intellectually aware of their actions, desires and motivations to a point when all the nonsense from daily life strips away and they’re left with more focus on what truly matters.

When you think about your own mortality, you’ll start asking questions.

What kind of life do you want to leave behind?

What will really matter to you at the end of your life?

When the end is near, will you be happy with what you’ve been doing?

Perhaps what makes death so hard to talk about is that it forces you to confront these questions. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather think about them now, when there’s more time to do something about it.

7. They value process over goals

It’s important to have goals. When you set your mind to reaching one, it adds motivation to your actions and drive to your willpower.

But there’s a dark side to goal-setting. For one thing, it’s too focused on the future; everything you do today is dedicated to something far away in time that hasn’t even happened yet. That takes you out of the present and puts all the emphasis in the future.

That can be disheartening. If you put all your effort and focus on where you’re not, you start to think about what you don’t have and what you haven’t accomplished yet.

People who love their lives don’t abandon goals altogether. They just use them to emphasize what they do every day. They use it to set a routine for their lives because they know that life isn’t lived in the future where goals are set, but in the daily routine they live.

8. They make the hard choices and accept that life is about tradeoffs

No one has it all. Time and energy are in limited supply. At some point, we need to take a hard look into our lives and make a decision about what we really want and that means thinking about what sacrifices we’re willing to make.

Getting rid of a toxic friend means breaking off years of shared memories. Working on a Master’s degree means giving up free time you could dedicate elsewhere. Moving to a new city for an opportunity can mean leaving some good things behind.

Every choice comes with consequences – some good, some bad. There’s always a tradeoff to consider, even if it’s just time or energy.

Loving your life means making choices and accepting the good and bad that come with them. It’s about accepting the possibility that your choices might not turn out well. But loving life is about looking at those all those choices, both the good and bad, and understanding them as what they are – imperfect decisions in an imperfect world.

It’s the choices we make that define our lives and give them their unique shape. We should never be afraid to make the hard ones. In the end, it’s the hard ones that we learn from most and give meaning to our lives.

9. Being thankful for what you have, especially your strengths

Many of us have heard about the benefits of gratitude. Being thankful for what you have instead of focusing on what you don’t have builds a happy frame of mind and makes us appreciate all the things going right in our lives.

Spending time on feeling grateful can be an uplifting experience. It can turn a downcast state of mind into something upbeat and positive.

But when I do this, I like to focus on my strengths in particular rather than just what I’m thankful for in general.

Ask yourself: What are you good at? What do you do really well?

By thinking of your strengths, you bring attention to the empowering areas of your life. Not only do you feel good about yourself, but you can focus on how to put them to use.

People who try using their strengths in new ways each day are happier and have higher self esteem because they’re always putting their best foot forward. Those who are lucky or successful in life aren’t good at everything, they just know those certain areas that they do well and focus their efforts on them to build the life they want.

This Powerful Mindset Helped John Steinbeck Write His Greatest Novels

Steve Bloom 2 Comments

JohnSteinbeck

During John Steinbeck’s long career as a writer, he created some of the most beloved and acclaimed works in literature including such masterpieces as Of Mice and Men, East of Eden and The Pearl.

I’ve always been fascinated by his work so last year I set a goal to read every book published under his name – 27 in total. I wanted to see if I could glean some understanding into what made him so prolific and memorable.

Well, I finished reading every book and I feel like I gained an insight into how he approached his work. In one of his writing journals, he made a remarkable statement about his writing that I feel we could all learn from:

“…no one else knows my lack of ability the way I do. I am pushing against it all the time. Sometimes, I seem to do a good little piece of work, but when it is done it slides into mediocrity.”

What makes this passage so incredible is that the book he was writing at the time, which he described as “mediocre”, was The Grapes of Wrath, often considered to be one of the greatest novels ever written.

When the book was released, it became an instant sensation, going on to sell 14 million copies. It’s the book that won him the Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Yet here in this excerpt, he describes his writing in it as mediocre.

Feel the Doubt and Just Keep Going

But the big takeaway from this quote isn’t that Steinbeck experienced doubt about his work. The key phrase in this quote is that he said he was “pushing against [his lack of ability] all the time.”

No matter how much he criticized his own work, he kept pushing forward.

No matter how much doubt he had about his abilities, he kept pushing against it to keep going.

This attitude is what separates the successful from the unsuccessful. Those who do the greatest work learn to push against their own self-doubts and fears. They don’t try NOT to feel them, they just keep moving forward despite all those feelings.

It’s important to learn to push against your feelings of self-doubt and fear because, as strange as it might seem, those feelings might be signs that you’re actually more capable than you realize.

When faced with a difficult task or goal, most people downplay their strengths and abilities. In psychology, it’s called the “Dunning-Kruger effect”.

In one research study into the effect, a group of students were asked to rate their ability to understand and interpret humor, grammar and logic. Then they were asked to take a test on those subjects.

The ones who scored best consistently underestimated their abilities and expressed the biggest doubt about their chances of success. This study has been repeated on a multitude of skills and abilities with the same results – those who doubted themselves the most, often did best.

It’s a paradox. Rather than making you more confident about your skills and abilities, being good at something might actually give you more fear and doubt. This is especially true when you’re pushing into new areas you haven’t tried yet.

And often, those doubts and fears don’t go away.

Take a look at Garth Brooks.

He’s one of the most successful recording artists of the twentieth century. He’s sold more than 190 million records, more than any other solo artist (except Elvis) and consistently sells out huge concert venues.

Yet, no matter how successful or beloved he becomes, he still gets incredibly nervous and scared before every performance.  Here’s what he said about it in an interview taken just over a year ago:

“I still get nervous. I hope there’s never a show where I don’t, but it’s more – the word now becomes ‘anxious’…The first night in Chicago, I looked over at [Trisha] Yearwood, and I said, ‘Are you scared?’ She said, ‘I’m scared to death.’ I said, ‘Me too.’”

He gets scared to death before every performance.  Just like Steinbeck, he pushes against his doubts and fears all the time, but keeps moving forward.

These stories belie our general expectation about how things are supposed to go.

We think that more we push ourselves, the more confident we’ll get.

We think that fear and anxiety will decrease the more successful we become.

However this isn’t always true. Many of us are never going to fully overcome our feelings of self-doubt and fear. Facing those feelings every time is a part of the process.

Doing What You’re Capable of Doing

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” – Bruce Lee

Fortunately fear never prevents Garth Brooks from appearing on stage; and doubt didn’t stop Steinbeck from writing the Great American Novel.

They just faced up to the truth: the path to greatness doesn’t always get easier – you just get stronger.

Whenever you start to feel fear and doubt, just remember that some of the most successful people on the planet feel the exact same way.

Start using fear and doubt to push yourself to do even more.

Start seeing it as a sign that you’re more capable than you realize rather than as a sign of what you can’t do.

The minute you stop underestimating your abilities, the sooner you can start doing all those things you’re capable of doing. Then you’ll be one step closer to something Henry Ford once said:

“If we did all the things we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”