Finding Purpose

I don’t have life all figured out.

That’s not to say I don’t have a good life. I’m a respected writer, my marriage is wonderful, I travel regularly and I have a son on the way. I’m happy with the way things are going.

But this hasn’t always been the case. A few years ago, while I was graduating with my Master’s degree, I went through a short period of turmoil. I was stressed out and uncertain of the direction my life was taking. I felt lost and confused.

It’s only been through hard soul-searching, consistent effort and a dash of luck to get where I am today.

And I’m fully aware that life has a tendency to make radical changes without your consent. What’s good for me today might change tomorrow.

So even though things are going well right now, I still wouldn’t say I have life figured out.

To be honest, I don’t see life as something you can “figure out” anyway.

Talking about life as something to “figure out” makes it sound as if it’s a toaster you can simply take apart to see how all the components work. Life doesn’t come with an easy guide to reference when it gets out of whack.

Life is a complex beast with intricate workings that are constantly changing. Once you think you’ve figured out the rules, an invisible hand comes along and changes them so you have to relearn them all over again.

That invisible hand has changed how I live many times. Shortly after I learned how to live as a bachelor, I had to learn the rules of a solid marriage. Now that I know how to do that, I have to learn the much different rules of being a good father.

My circumstances and situations have changed so consistently over the past few years that I’ve been basically improvising my way through it all, learning as I go.

This isn’t new either. My life has gone through a constant series of changes and I’ve been improvising my way the entire time.

Shakespeare once wrote that “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”

If Shakespeare’s right and our lives are akin to acting on the stage, then our performance is pure improv. There’s no playwright handing us scripts to read from. This thing we call life is done purely on the fly.

That’s not just me. Everyone around us is just making it all up as they go.

By definition, improv is something you can’t predict. Someone or something will always come along to change the scene or dialogue. All you can do is adjust and adapt to the new situation presented to you.

So in that sense, life is an act of creation. By adjusting to new situations and interacting with others and our environment, we’re creating something new every single day.

So if life is a creative process, that makes it much closer to art than science.

And while I’m a big fan of science and I think it’s an extremely useful and valuable tool for making our lives better, it has its limitations.

It has little to offer in terms of meaning. What direction should my life take? What values are important to me? Who am I as a person?

These are all forms of self-discovery. Our answers are personal and might be confusing to outsiders and even ourselves. These subjective viewpoints are beyond science’s capabilities to explain.

That’s life though; it’s a giant mystery. We’re constantly exploring and experimenting our way to full, happy lives. There’s too much uncertainty about the future and personal changes to go through to completely say you’ve figured it out.

But really, would you want it to be any other way?

If living is art, then we should all heed the wisdom of Edward Abbey: “great art is never perfect. Perfect art is never great.”

Life is imperfect – it’s much too complex to be otherwise. We don’t always get what we want. Sometimes what we strive for doesn’t succeed.

But maybe that’s exactly the way it should be.

Perhaps a good life is one where we fumble and experiment our way through it. There isn’t anything wrong with making more errors than successes. Even the best artists accept that they’ll make a lot of bad art throughout their careers. That’s the process of making good art – and good living.

As you live your life, you’ll make mistakes. Even the greatest improv actors occasionally flub their lines or make silly, stupid errors.

In fact, the minute you’ve figured out life is the time to sit back and re-examine your situation. You might just be missing something.

And remember this: great lives are a lot like art – it may never be perfect, you may never be able to fully understand it, but once your masterpiece is finished, you can sit back in awe over your unique and wonderful creation. As weird as it may sound, that idea makes me grateful that I can’t figure it all out.
photo credit: kylesteed

As a dedicated lifelong learner, Leonardo da Vinci once said that “learning never exhausts the mind.”  That quote makes me wonder what he would have said about the vast amount of learning resources available online.

Seriously, there are so many free websites dedicated to self-learning that you could spend your entire life wading through the information and never completely get through it all.

This is top-quality information too, available free of charge to the public that allows you to learn about anything from a variety of topics such as economics, genetics, how to play the guitar, foreign languages, drawing lessons and computer coding.  Some top Ivy-league schools even put their entire content freely online.

As a lifelong learner myself, I wanted to compile the ultimate list of free educational sites and this was the result.

Physical Universities
 
MIT Open Courseware – According to website “the idea is simple: to publish all of our course materials online and make them widely available to everyone.”
Open Yale Courses – Selected Yale lectures and other college course material, mostly in the liberal arts fields, social sciences and physical and biological sciences.
Harvard Medical School Open Courseware – Harvard’s medical school.  Workshops, forums and lectures are here to help you learn more about medicine.
Open Learning Institute – Affiliated with Carnegie Mellon University, they take a different approach to learning that focuses on targeted feedback and assessment.
Academic Earth – There’s a long selection of college lectures from over a dozen universities.  Plus, there’s a lot of original content too.
Coursera – There are over 542 courses from a long list of universities across the country to choose from.
Kutztown University – Based in Pennsylvania, this online resources boasts one of the largest of free, on-demand entrepreneurial training resources available online.
OEDb – It’s a collection of over 10,000 free open courses are available from some of the top universities around the world.
EdX – Free courses from many major universities designed for interactive study on the web.
Tufts Open Courseware – A long list of online courses from Tufts University.  A good selection of diverse topics to learn about.
DukeU – Duke University offers many courses that are, unfortunately, only available through iTunes
Open2Study – These courses seem more like training videos such as the one on negotiation and conflict resolution or becoming a confident trainer.  They aren’t on-demand classes either, you have to sign up and take them on the designated days.
Open Education Consortium – A global network of universities from around the world that offer diverse courses in multiple languages.
 
Online-only Universities
 
University of Reddit – It’s an online university as provided by Reddit.
Wikiversity – Run by the Wikimedia Foundation which also runs Wikipedia.  It’s similar to all their sites in that it is openly edited.  There’s not much content yet, but it has potential to grow quickly.
Alison – The company’s stated objective is to enable people to gain basic education and workplace skills.  It focuses on helping you gain important job skills.
 
Languages
 
BBC Languages – A useful resource to help you learn a variety of mostly European languages.  It doesn’t look like they’re updating the site anymore, but there is still good info on it.
DuoLingo – Learn language by doing it.  Each lesson includes a variety of speaking, writing, listening, translating and multiple choice.  It’s very good.
Word2Word – This site is dedicated to breaking down of language barriers and assisting the users who have the desire to learn a language.
Internet Polyglot – Free language lessons online.
 
Nature, Science & Math
 
Zooniverse – Explore topics such as how stars form or tracking genetic mysteries.  Very heavy on the science and nature topics.
Shodor – Focusing on technology, this site offers interactive activities and lessons for people looking to boost their understanding in science.
Maths & Science – Over 100,000 pages of science and math materials for students in grades 1-12 much of it downloadable.
UDACITY – Learn in-demand tech skills in these lessons that were developed by some top silicon valley companies.
Scitable – A free science library with articles focusing on genetics, cell biology and evolution.
 
Free Newspaper Articles and Books
 
The Free Library – Millions of free articles dating back to 1984 about a large variety of topics including business, leisure, government, entertainment, law and more.
Bartleby – Hundreds of free books.  Non-fiction, fiction, poetry, reference.  There are all kinds of things to read.
Project Gutenberg – Over 46,000 free high-quality ebooks.
Free Computer Books – This site contains a massive amount of books on just about anything you’d want to know about computers, programming and math.
College Open Textbooks – Free textbooks on a wide range of topics.  They’re already affiliated with over 200 colleges.
 
Educational Videos
 
TED – “Ideas worth spreading”.  A large list of videos from experts who give short, information lectures on a large variety of topics.
Khan Academy – Watch thousands of videos on a wide range of topics ranging from history and chemistry to computer science.  It’s well-organized based upon grade level so it’s easy to find a topic for your level of learning.
VideoLectures.net – Focusing mostly on science, these videos are given by distinguished scholars and scientists from conferences, schools and workshops.
Ignite – Similar to Ted talks in that the videos are lectures presented at events all over the world, but these videos are limited to around five minutes each.
UnplugTheTV – An interesting site to help you widen your range of knowledge.  When you log into the main page, it selects an educational video at random for you to watch.

Other Resources
 
GCFLearnFree – From Microsoft Office and email to reading, math, and more, this site offers 125 tutorials, including more than 1,100 lessons, videos, and interactives, completely free.
Drawspace – Hundreds of free drawing lessons.
My own business – This site is great for anyone learning to start a business.  It offers a lot of useful information to get started and how to expand the business once it’s going.
JustinGuitar – A lot of great guitar lessons plus some very interesting lessons on basic music theory.
Layers Magazine – Learn about photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Acrobat, Dreamweaver, Flash and just about anything else for the digitally creative.
CodeAcademy – Want to learn how to code?  This site provides easy, fun and interactive ways to do it.
No Excuse List – A long list of websites to learn from.  Yes, there are many more than listed here, but many here are pay only.
iTunesU – For those looking for mobile access to lessons and learning resources, this is useful.
photo credit: Angelo Amboldi

Back in 2006, a group of students at Xavier High School were given an assignment from their English teacher. They were asked to write to their favorite authors and ask him or her to visit the school. Five of those students chose Kurt Vonnegut. He was the only author to write back.

Because he was 84 at the time, he said he was too old to make public appearances, even describing himself at one point as an old geezer and resembling an iguana.

But he did offer an important piece of advice. Here’s what he said.

“Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow…Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives.”

Then he suggested an assignment for the class.

“Write a six line poem about anything, but rhymed…Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody.”

“Then tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash recepticals [sic]. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.”

Growing Your Soul

Weirdly enough, I’ve been telling people to do this a lot lately.

I get lots of emails from readers who are looking for advice. Generally speaking, I get asked two types of questions.

I’ll be asked how to do something. When I get asked this, I’ll reply with an honest and detailed account (often pages of advice) of the best course of action to the best of my knowledge.

But usually I get asked by people about what they should do.  They’re trying to find some direction and looking for their life’s purpose.  They want me to tell them what decision they should make.

I find questions of should much more difficult to answer.

I try to give as much honest useful feedback as I can and explain what I would do in that situation, hoping that guides them to a good decision.  But what makes it hard is that I can’t pick a path for that person – after all I’m not them.

We all live our own lives and need to make the decisions we feel will improve them in order to make us happy. If I make that decision for someone else, then it’s no longer their life, it’s mine.

So for those who feel lost and are looking for some sense of direction – something they should be doing, I tell them to make some art and explore their creativity.

Here’s why.

Creativity isn’t just a process of making art – it’s about discovering your inner self and bringing it out into the open. Creativity gets into your mind and soul and brings out new ideas and thoughts you may never have known were there.

It may sound weird, but creativity can give you a better sense of who you are, your life, your direction and what’s important to you.

I know this because it happened to me.

For much of my life, I’ve struggled with a sense of purpose and direction. I’d ask myself “where am I going?” or “what do I want out of life?” and get vague answers in return. I’d search out advice to no avail.

What gave me a sense of clarity and focus on what I really want out of life was writing, especially when I started this blog.

I started this blog over four years ago with a drive to help other people seize the day and get more out of life. From the emails I get from people, I’d say I was successful. But strangely the person who it’s helped the most is myself.

By regularly writing for this blog, I kept digging into my thoughts and emotions to make sense of what was going on in there. What I bring out often surprises me. In one instance, what I wrote was so revealing that people messaged me to tell me just how brave I was to write about it.

The more I exposed myself creatively, the more I experienced what Vonnegut described as becoming. I got to know myself better and became more sure about what I want out of life in order to confidently find purpose and direction.

So I hold Kurt Vonnegut’s advice closely to my heart because it has helped me in ways it’s hard to describe. Simply the act of creating has helped me discover more about myself and guided life decisions more than anything else I’ve ever done.

I’m with Vonnegut on this advice: get creative. Paint something, write a poem, act, play music, start a blog. Dig down deep into your soul and bring out ideas and thoughts you never knew were there.

Explore the deep recesses of your mind and lay them out in front of you. It’s fine to show it to others, but it’s more important to show it to yourself. Even if no one sees them, you’ll have already won – you’ll have grown your soul.
photo credit: vhauri

Dating back to 1400 B.C., the Oracle of Delphi was one of the most important places in all of Greece. It was a strange and mystical place. The oracle was said to be connected to Apollo and had the wisdom of the gods.

When a king or nobleman wanted to expand their power, they turned to the Oracle for advice. People as powerful as Alexander the Great to Roman Emperors sought out their guidance. Whole campaigns and strategies were created based upon what the oracle said.

But before these powerful people could meet the oracle, they waited at the entrance. And inscribed in stone, for all to see, were these words:

Know thyself.

No matter how lowly or mighty you were, the first step for all those entering the temple was the same: know thyself.

Today this advice still holds to be true.

If you want to find your power, you need to understand who you are. Before you can be powerful, you have to know how you work, your strengths and inner workings.

Getting To Know Yourself

How well do you really know yourself? Unless you’ve already given it careful thought, you might not be as aware as you might like to think. Fortunately there is a quick and easy way to find out.

You might be familiar with the concept of an elevator pitch. It’s a short summary describing yourself and your strengths to another person. The whole idea is that you should be able to deliver the summary in the short span of an elevator ride which lasts roughly thirty seconds to two minutes.

So let’s do it. For the next two minutes, give your pitch. Either say it out loud or think it to yourself, but try to explain who you are, what you’re really good at and why. And please, try to stay away from generic statements like “good communication skills”.

Ready? Go.

What was the result?

Did you struggle with your strengths or did you know them?

This might not have been too hard for you considering that elevator pitches are commonly taught to job seekers who are instructed to rehearse them. But even if you’ve never done one before, you still might have had a few things to say.

But you need to know yourself more than this. Your strengths are only the start.

Let’s do another elevator pitch, but this time let’s take a look at your weaknesses.

Once again, take a minute or two to tell someone about what you’re not good at. What could be improved upon? What are you not as good at as you’d like?

Ready? Go.

What was the result this time?

This was probably harder for you. Most people are comfortable focusing on what they’re good at, but avoid looking at what they’re not. We like to showcase the highlights and brush everything else aside.

However, your weaknesses are just as important as your strengths. While our strengths tend to get us places and help us on our journey, our weaknesses can hold us back. If we don’t know them, we might be missing something that is weighing down progress in our lives.

Once you understand them, you have two choices:

1. Let them go. If the weakness isn’t a big drag on your ability to be successful, you might not have to do anything at all.

2. Work on them. Turn that weakness into a strength. Or at least modify it so that it won’t hold you back anymore.

Know Thy Inner Voice

Of course, there’s a lot more to who you are than just your strengths and weaknesses. To really get to know yourself, you still need to look at your inner dialogue.

What’s inner dialogue you ask?

This is the “discussion” you have going on in your head.

Let’s look at this example:

Let’s say someone has hurt you recently or said something you don’t like, what do you do?

You re-enact the whole scene in your mind complete with dialogue. You might envision yourself talking angrily. Perhaps you think about what you could have said or what should have happened.

If you talk to yourself harshly or criticize yourself, your inner dialogue can leave you feeling angry, helpless or sad.

My inner dialogue used to do this frequently after parties. I’d re-enact scenes in my head of conversations or situations that went badly, but ignored the ones that went successfully. That gave me a skewed version of events that left me sad and full of doubt.

Your inner dialogue is an activity that goes on whether you like it or not. But it’s powerful because it affects our emotions, thoughts and behavior.

This is important: we become the story we tell ourselves. Your inner dialogue can be like affirmations – constantly thinking about the same subject for too long makes you accept these thoughts and words which causes you to act on them.

What’s important is that you be consciously aware of them.

When you find the conversation dwelling in useless or negative territory, stop it. Change it to something more productive. If your dialogue is giving you a skewed version of events, try to balance them out.

Unless you get control of your inner dialogue, all those strengths you listed earlier won’t make much of a difference.

On to Step Two

Once you’ve got a handle on your strengths, weaknesses and mental attitude, you’re ready for the next step to being powerful: taking action outside yourself.

Where are you going to direct your power? What world do you want to conquer?

If we were standing at the entrance to the oracle of Delphi, this is the time when you would walk in and ask your question which could determine your destiny.

It’s up to you to decide. But whatever path you want to take, it will become a lot easier once you take that all-important first step: know thyself.
photo credit: Scott Swigart