Self Improvement

The Wonderful Reality of Not Having Life All Figured Out

Steve Bloom 17 Comments

Don't Have Life all Figured Out?

I don’t have life all figured out.

That’s not to say I don’t have a good life. I’m a respected writer, my marriage is wonderful, I travel regularly and I have a son on the way. I’m happy with the way things are going.

But this hasn’t always been the case. A few years ago, while I was graduating with my Master’s degree, I went through a short period of turmoil. I was stressed out and uncertain of the direction my life was taking. I felt lost and confused.

It’s only been through hard soul-searching, consistent effort and a dash of luck to get where I am today.

And I’m fully aware that life has a tendency to make radical changes without your consent. What’s good for me today might change tomorrow.

So even though things are going well right now, I still wouldn’t say I have life figured out.

To be honest, I don’t see life as something you can “figure out” anyway.

Talking about life as something to “figure out” makes it sound as if it’s a toaster you can simply take apart to see how all the components work. Life doesn’t come with an easy guide to reference when it gets out of whack.

Life is a complex beast with intricate workings that are constantly changing. Once you think you’ve figured out the rules, an invisible hand comes along and changes them so you have to relearn them all over again.

That invisible hand has changed how I live many times. Shortly after I learned how to live as a bachelor, I had to learn the rules of a solid marriage. Now that I know how to do that, I have to learn the much different rules of being a good father.

My circumstances and situations have changed so consistently over the past few years that I’ve been basically improvising my way through it all, learning as I go.

This isn’t new either. My life has gone through a constant series of changes and I’ve been improvising my way the entire time.

Shakespeare once wrote that “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”

If Shakespeare’s right and our lives are akin to acting on the stage, then our performance is pure improv. There’s no playwright handing us scripts to read from. This thing we call life is done purely on the fly.

That’s not just me. Everyone around us is just making it all up as they go.

By definition, improv is something you can’t predict. Someone or something will always come along to change the scene or dialogue. All you can do is adjust and adapt to the new situation presented to you.

So in that sense, life is an act of creation. By adjusting to new situations and interacting with others and our environment, we’re creating something new every single day.

So if life is a creative process, that makes it much closer to art than science.

And while I’m a big fan of science and I think it’s an extremely useful and valuable tool for making our lives better, it has its limitations.

It has little to offer in terms of meaning. What direction should my life take? What values are important to me? Who am I as a person?

These are all forms of self-discovery. Our answers are personal and might be confusing to outsiders and even ourselves. These subjective viewpoints are beyond science’s capabilities to explain.

That’s life though; it’s a giant mystery. We’re constantly exploring and experimenting our way to full, happy lives. There’s too much uncertainty about the future and personal changes to go through to completely say you’ve figured it out.

But really, would you want it to be any other way?

If living is art, then we should all heed the wisdom of Edward Abbey: “great art is never perfect. Perfect art is never great.”

Life is imperfect – it’s much too complex to be otherwise. We don’t always get what we want. Sometimes what we strive for doesn’t succeed.

But maybe that’s exactly the way it should be.

Perhaps a good life is one where we fumble and experiment our way through it. There isn’t anything wrong with making more errors than successes. Even the best artists accept that they’ll make a lot of bad art throughout their careers. That’s the process of making good art – and good living.

As you live your life, you’ll make mistakes. Even the greatest improv actors occasionally flub their lines or make silly, stupid errors.

In fact, the minute you’ve figured out life is the time to sit back and re-examine your situation. You might just be missing something.

And remember this: great lives are a lot like art – it may never be perfect, you may never be able to fully understand it, but once your masterpiece is finished, you can sit back in awe over your unique and wonderful creation. As weird as it may sound, that idea makes me grateful that I can’t figure it all out.
photo credit: kylesteed

8 Habits that Will Help You Live Life Without Regrets

Steve Bloom 31 Comments

Live Life Without Regrets

“Living a life with no mistakes and without any regrets is extraordinarily hard to accomplish. A lifetime of making choices brings with it the knowledge that at least some actions were ill-considered…To live, it seems is to accumulate at least some regrets.”

This excerpt comes from a fascinating study from Cornell University. After sifting through mountains of data, this report provides a lot of useful insights into how and why regrets occur.

Living life without regret is certainly difficult – chances are you already have one or two. But with the knowledge from this report, I’ve been able to devise a few simple habits to minimize them as much as possible.

It’s been said that regret is “an insight gained a day too late.”

For many of us, those insights come decades too late.

Instead of waiting to see what regrets await me, I’d rather take action now. Here are some ways to reduce those thoughts of “what might have been…”

1. Make time

“I don’t have enough time.” It’s a simple, common excuse, but can keep you away from realizing your biggest dreams to your smallest goals.

Even if you don’t think you have enough time, you have to learn to make it.

Take a lesson from John Grisham. While writing his first novel, he worked 60-70 hours a week, using any time in the morning or during courtroom recess he could find.

By most people’s measures, Grisham had no time whatsoever to write a novel. But by fitting his writing in whenever he could, he found enough to launch his writing career.

Find time to do those things you want – otherwise, you’ll miss out on some important goals.

2. Do the things that push your potential to be everything you can be

When people talk about regrets, they often mention the actions they wish they had done. But it’s more specific than that. It’s not just actions, it’s fulfilling actions that matter most.

If you look at regrets closely, a common theme emerges – the failure to reach our full potential.

Abraham Maslow described it as self-actualization – the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and becoming all you can be.

Think about some ways people express regret.

“What would have happened if I had just tried harder in school?”

“What if I had developed my artistic skills?”

People often regret unrealized potential – the unexplored skills or wasted opportunities for personal development. It’s important to find something meaningful and fulfilling that can challenge you and make you grow as a person.

3. Live by these words: “It’s better to try and fail than fail at trying”

Imagine putting all your effort into achieving a massive goal, but you fail to make it happen.

Now imagine a second person who has the same exact aspirations but never even tries. They don’t even take the first step because they can’t find the courage.

Despite failing, you’re still leaps and bounds ahead of the second person. You tried. That’s something you can feel proud about for the rest of your life. The other person can only wonder “what if…”

4. Listen to your “shoulds”

The Cornell study highlighted that it’s the things we should have done that are often the ones that we regret the most.

“I should have studied more in college.”

“I should have told my father that I loved him before he died.”

“I should have traveled more.”

“I should have tried writing a book.”

Think about it for a minute. Years from this moment, what will you say you should be doing right now? Reflect on the answers until you understand all the “shoulds” you have floating around in your head.

Simply put, do this:

Step 1: Ask yourself: “What is something important I should be doing right now?”
Step 2: Go do it.

5. Use unhappiness as a mentor and guide

I don’t see unhappiness as a completely negative emotion. Sure, it’s not a pleasant feeling, but it serves a useful purpose.

Sadness is a signal that something in your life needs to change. Think of it as a signpost telling you that you’re heading in the wrong direction. Listen to it. Learn from it. If you completely ignore or avoid it, you’re missing out on an opportunity to make positive changes and get on the path that’s right for you.

6. Act on your impulses more often

As the Cornell study highlighted, it’s the actions we didn’t do that we most regret. But what keeps us away from taking action to begin with?

Psychologically, we put more emphasis on immediate consequences more than long-term ones. For example, someone will stay in a job they hate far too long simply to avoid the short term pain of quitting. Of course, when they’re still in that job years later, they regret not having quit sooner.

One way to get around this obstacle is to act on your impulses. Get into the habit of making quick decisions and immediately doing them..

The longer you wait to take action, the more you start to focus on the short-term consequences rather than the long-term benefits. In a sense, you talk yourself out of doing it.

With each minute you wait, your will to act weakens. Then you just put off a decision you wish you’d made sooner.

7. Find the silver lining to bad decisions

If you’ve ever made a mistake, then congratulations – you’re human. With all the decisions and choices we face, we’re bound to do or say something we wish we hadn’t.

Rather than seeing those bad decisions as something to forget, you can use them to move into a better future. See each bad decision as an opportunity to learn and grow wiser. If you can use the bad decisions from your past to make you a better person today, you’ll feel better about them and they’ll have served a useful purpose.

8. Spend more time on love and relationships

According to another study from Northwestern University, the most frequently mentioned topics of regret are about romance and relationships.

More than any other topic – including education, work, travel, money issues and health. Love and relationships (especially family relationships) were listed more than any other.

Both romance and relationships highlight the importance of the people we hold closely in our lives. Most people in the survey regretted a lost love connection or a family squabble or a time they were unkind to a family member.

This is a great reminder to cherish the people around us – the people who give our lives meaning and joy. By building stronger and closer bonds with our loved ones, we can help avoid any possible regrets of things that might go wrong.
photo credit: Thomas Hawk

Critics and Haters: How to Deal with People Who Unfairly Judge You

Steve Bloom 19 Comments

Critics and Haters

The simplest way to be criticized is this: be yourself. As Aristotle once said, “to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.”

No matter what path your life takes, you’re bound to come across someone who dislikes your decision and openly expresses how unhappy they feel about it.

Just recently, my wife and I took some criticism over a decision we made.

At the start of the year, we took a trip to Turkey. We walked around Istanbul, saw Ephesus and stopped over at Pamukkale (absolutely gorgeous, by the way). The whole trip was beautiful and unforgettable.

It seems so uncontroversial, expect for one aspect – my wife was six months pregnant.

To be clear, we did our due diligence. We perused forums to read about experiences other pregnant women had in Turkey. Before we left, we researched hospitals to see what was available (they’re good there).

In addition, our doctor gave us the OK to go and we even got a clean bill of health two days before we left. And to top it all, we bought great travel insurance, just in case.

However, we were harshly judged for our actions. Many people lashed out at us and criticized our “reckless behavior”.

To be fair, our critics were coming from a source of love and concern, but it was still difficult to not take personally.

How to Take Criticism like a Pro

The trouble with criticism is in how our brains process it, putting a lot more focus and attention on negativity. According to a study, one negative comment carries the same weight in our minds as five positive ones.

This was true of our experience. Looking back before our trip, I can see that most people were either positive or neutral on the subject. There was just a select few vocal critics to make us feel bad about what we were doing.

And feelings are the real problem with criticism. It’s not that you’re being criticized or judged unfairly, it’s that those criticisms and judgements make you feel bad as a result.

According to the book User’s Manual for the Brain Volume I:

“The problems we often have in handling criticism constructively lie in dealing with our feelings about being criticized. If we could handle those immediate negative emotions, we could respond constructively to the criticism.”

Then the book gives a great technique to handle the negative emotions that come along with being criticized. They modeled this technique by studying people who handle criticism effectively.

“See yourself at some distance….You are watching yourself receiving criticism. Thus you see yourself “out there,” any negative feelings you had during that time will [also] seem “out there,” and you can feel curious about those feelings.”

In effect, you replay the criticism in your mind as if you’re looking at it from a third person perspective. You watch yourself receiving the criticism as if you’re another person entirely. This helps you disassociate from the critical comments so you can get past the hurt feelings.

This has been backed up in other research studies too. According to a study reported in Psychology Today:

“Participants reported feeling significantly less emotional pain when they envisioned the memory using a third-person perspective than when using a first-person perspective. Further, utilizing a psychologically distant vantage point also allowed them to reconstruct their understanding of their experiences and reach new insights and feelings of closure.”

I don’t know why exactly it works, but it does. After I replayed the criticism for our trip to Turkey using a third-person point of view, I felt a lot better about it. It allowed me to move away from the negative criticisms and get them out of my head.

Benjamin Franklin on Turning Critics into Friends

So that’s how you handle criticism. But what should you do about the critics and the haters themselves?

One big lesson I learned about haters comes from Benjamin Franklin.

As Benjamin Franklin went from success to success, he naturally gained a few enemies along the way. When he started running for the position of clerk in a club, they started bashing him. One person in particular critiqued him at every opportunity.

Rather than confront the person directly, Franklin decided to take a different tactic. He sent a letter to the hater asking to borrow a rare and curious book from his library.

Renowned as a discerning book collector and founder of a library, Franklin had a respectable reputation in the literary community. The man was so flattered that he immediately sent the book. A week later, Franklin sent it back with a thank you note.

The next time they met, the hater had changed his attitude completely. Eventually they developed a friendship which lasted all the way to his death.

How did this happen?

The thing that Franklin did right was that he directed his efforts at changing the person’s behavior, not his attitude.

Most people think attitude determines behavior, but it’s actually the other way around. Our behavior determines attitude.

When Franklin asked his biggest critic to lend him a valuable book, he was getting the person to do something nice for him. Since people generally only do favors for those they like, his attitude adjusted to fit the behavior.

In fact, the more nice things someone does for you, the nicer they’ll become. It may sound counter-intuitive, but if you get someone to do something nice for you, they’ll rationalize in their head that they must like you and their attitude will change as a result.

Clashing with haters about their attitude head-on will probably just bring on more hate. However, if you change their behavior, you’ll find that the person who was once a critic is now a friend.

To quote Franklin: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
photo credit: Brandon Warren

42 Extremely Useful Places to Educate Yourself Online for Free

Steve Bloom 16 Comments

Educate Yourself Online

As a dedicated lifelong learner, Leonardo da Vinci once said that “learning never exhausts the mind.”  That quote makes me wonder what he would have said about the vast amount of learning resources available online.

Seriously, there are so many free websites dedicated to self-learning that you could spend your entire life wading through the information and never completely get through it all.

This is top-quality information too, available free of charge to the public that allows you to learn about anything from a variety of topics such as economics, genetics, how to play the guitar, foreign languages, drawing lessons and computer coding.  Some top Ivy-league schools even put their entire content freely online.

As a lifelong learner myself, I wanted to compile the ultimate list of free educational sites and this was the result.

Physical Universities
 
MIT Open Courseware – According to website “the idea is simple: to publish all of our course materials online and make them widely available to everyone.”
Open Yale Courses – Selected Yale lectures and other college course material, mostly in the liberal arts fields, social sciences and physical and biological sciences.
Harvard Medical School Open Courseware – Harvard’s medical school.  Workshops, forums and lectures are here to help you learn more about medicine.
Open Learning Institute – Affiliated with Carnegie Mellon University, they take a different approach to learning that focuses on targeted feedback and assessment.
Academic Earth – There’s a long selection of college lectures from over a dozen universities.  Plus, there’s a lot of original content too.
Coursera – There are over 542 courses from a long list of universities across the country to choose from.
Kutztown University – Based in Pennsylvania, this online resources boasts one of the largest of free, on-demand entrepreneurial training resources available online.
OEDb – It’s a collection of over 10,000 free open courses are available from some of the top universities around the world.
EdX – Free courses from many major universities designed for interactive study on the web.
Tufts Open Courseware – A long list of online courses from Tufts University.  A good selection of diverse topics to learn about.
DukeU – Duke University offers many courses that are, unfortunately, only available through iTunes
Open2Study – These courses seem more like training videos such as the one on negotiation and conflict resolution or becoming a confident trainer.  They aren’t on-demand classes either, you have to sign up and take them on the designated days.
Open Education Consortium – A global network of universities from around the world that offer diverse courses in multiple languages.
 
Online-only Universities
 
University of Reddit – It’s an online university as provided by Reddit.
Wikiversity – Run by the Wikimedia Foundation which also runs Wikipedia.  It’s similar to all their sites in that it is openly edited.  There’s not much content yet, but it has potential to grow quickly.
Alison – The company’s stated objective is to enable people to gain basic education and workplace skills.  It focuses on helping you gain important job skills.
 
Languages
 
BBC Languages – A useful resource to help you learn a variety of mostly European languages.  It doesn’t look like they’re updating the site anymore, but there is still good info on it.
DuoLingo – Learn language by doing it.  Each lesson includes a variety of speaking, writing, listening, translating and multiple choice.  It’s very good.
Word2Word – This site is dedicated to breaking down of language barriers and assisting the users who have the desire to learn a language.
Internet Polyglot – Free language lessons online.
 
Nature, Science & Math
 
Zooniverse – Explore topics such as how stars form or tracking genetic mysteries.  Very heavy on the science and nature topics.
Shodor – Focusing on technology, this site offers interactive activities and lessons for people looking to boost their understanding in science.
Maths & Science – Over 100,000 pages of science and math materials for students in grades 1-12 much of it downloadable.
UDACITY – Learn in-demand tech skills in these lessons that were developed by some top silicon valley companies.
Scitable – A free science library with articles focusing on genetics, cell biology and evolution.
 
Free Newspaper Articles and Books
 
The Free Library – Millions of free articles dating back to 1984 about a large variety of topics including business, leisure, government, entertainment, law and more.
Bartleby – Hundreds of free books.  Non-fiction, fiction, poetry, reference.  There are all kinds of things to read.
Project Gutenberg – Over 46,000 free high-quality ebooks.
Free Computer Books – This site contains a massive amount of books on just about anything you’d want to know about computers, programming and math.
College Open Textbooks – Free textbooks on a wide range of topics.  They’re already affiliated with over 200 colleges.
 
Educational Videos
 
TED – “Ideas worth spreading”.  A large list of videos from experts who give short, information lectures on a large variety of topics.
Khan Academy – Watch thousands of videos on a wide range of topics ranging from history and chemistry to computer science.  It’s well-organized based upon grade level so it’s easy to find a topic for your level of learning.
VideoLectures.net – Focusing mostly on science, these videos are given by distinguished scholars and scientists from conferences, schools and workshops.
Ignite – Similar to Ted talks in that the videos are lectures presented at events all over the world, but these videos are limited to around five minutes each.
UnplugTheTV – An interesting site to help you widen your range of knowledge.  When you log into the main page, it selects an educational video at random for you to watch.

Other Resources
 
GCFLearnFree – From Microsoft Office and email to reading, math, and more, this site offers 125 tutorials, including more than 1,100 lessons, videos, and interactives, completely free.
Drawspace – Hundreds of free drawing lessons.
My own business – This site is great for anyone learning to start a business.  It offers a lot of useful information to get started and how to expand the business once it’s going.
JustinGuitar – A lot of great guitar lessons plus some very interesting lessons on basic music theory.
Layers Magazine – Learn about photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Acrobat, Dreamweaver, Flash and just about anything else for the digitally creative.
CodeAcademy – Want to learn how to code?  This site provides easy, fun and interactive ways to do it.
No Excuse List – A long list of websites to learn from.  Yes, there are many more than listed here, but many here are pay only.
iTunesU – For those looking for mobile access to lessons and learning resources, this is useful.
photo credit: Angelo Amboldi

Kurt Vonnegut’s Powerful Advice For Life: How to Grow Your Soul

Steve Bloom 24 Comments

Kurt Vonnegut

Back in 2006, a group of students at Xavier High School were given an assignment from their English teacher. They were asked to write to their favorite authors and ask him or her to visit the school. Five of those students chose Kurt Vonnegut. He was the only author to write back.

Because he was 84 at the time, he said he was too old to make public appearances, even describing himself at one point as an old geezer and resembling an iguana.

But he did offer an important piece of advice. Here’s what he said.

“Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow…Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives.”

Then he suggested an assignment for the class.

“Write a six line poem about anything, but rhymed…Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody.”

“Then tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash recepticals [sic]. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.”

Growing Your Soul

Weirdly enough, I’ve been telling people to do this a lot lately.

I get lots of emails from readers who are looking for advice. Generally speaking, I get asked two types of questions.

I’ll be asked how to do something. When I get asked this, I’ll reply with an honest and detailed account (often pages of advice) of the best course of action to the best of my knowledge.

But usually I get asked by people about what they should do.  They’re trying to find some direction and looking for their life’s purpose.  They want me to tell them what decision they should make.

I find questions of should much more difficult to answer.

I try to give as much honest useful feedback as I can and explain what I would do in that situation, hoping that guides them to a good decision.  But what makes it hard is that I can’t pick a path for that person – after all I’m not them.

We all live our own lives and need to make the decisions we feel will improve them in order to make us happy. If I make that decision for someone else, then it’s no longer their life, it’s mine.

So for those who feel lost and are looking for some sense of direction – something they should be doing, I tell them to make some art and explore their creativity.

Here’s why.

Creativity isn’t just a process of making art – it’s about discovering your inner self and bringing it out into the open. Creativity gets into your mind and soul and brings out new ideas and thoughts you may never have known were there.

It may sound weird, but creativity can give you a better sense of who you are, your life, your direction and what’s important to you.

I know this because it happened to me.

For much of my life, I’ve struggled with a sense of purpose and direction. I’d ask myself “where am I going?” or “what do I want out of life?” and get vague answers in return. I’d search out advice to no avail.

What gave me a sense of clarity and focus on what I really want out of life was writing, especially when I started this blog.

I started this blog over four years ago with a drive to help other people seize the day and get more out of life. From the emails I get from people, I’d say I was successful. But strangely the person who it’s helped the most is myself.

By regularly writing for this blog, I kept digging into my thoughts and emotions to make sense of what was going on in there. What I bring out often surprises me. In one instance, what I wrote was so revealing that people messaged me to tell me just how brave I was to write about it.

The more I exposed myself creatively, the more I experienced what Vonnegut described as becoming. I got to know myself better and became more sure about what I want out of life in order to confidently find purpose and direction.

So I hold Kurt Vonnegut’s advice closely to my heart because it has helped me in ways it’s hard to describe. Simply the act of creating has helped me discover more about myself and guided life decisions more than anything else I’ve ever done.

I’m with Vonnegut on this advice: get creative. Paint something, write a poem, act, play music, start a blog. Dig down deep into your soul and bring out ideas and thoughts you never knew were there.

Explore the deep recesses of your mind and lay them out in front of you. It’s fine to show it to others, but it’s more important to show it to yourself. Even if no one sees them, you’ll have already won – you’ll have grown your soul.
photo credit: vhauri

The Starving Homeless Cat and Lessons on Making the World a Better Place

Steve Bloom 18 Comments

The Starving Homeless Cat

When I was living in Morocco, I saw stray cats everywhere. Often hissing and scratching whenever anyone came near, they were angry and filthy. People kept their distance.

Moving to Houston, I was confronted with a similar problem. While nowhere near as bad as Morocco, there were a few feral cats in my neighborhood.

One cat in particular, setup residence just outside my apartment. Whenever I opened the door, she was lying either on my porch or in the bushes out front.

At first, I treated her like a pest – just like everyone did with the ones in Morocco. As I passed by, I didn’t give her a second look and she would run off and keep watch from a distance.

I told myself that it was only a stray cat – who cares what happens to her?

Then one day, for whatever reason, I took a closer look. On inspection, I noticed she was beaten up and so hungry that I could almost make out her ribs.

It was the first time I took notice of how much this animal was suffering. Realizing that I had been ignoring her pain for months tore me up inside.

I’m a big proponent of building a better life and making the world a better place, but here was a living reminder of how much more I could be doing. How did I walk past this cat for so long and fail to notice how much she was suffering?

A big problem was my mindset.

When I lived in Morocco, I had ingrained this idea that stray cats were pests and should be treated as vermin. But this mindset clouded my judgement and I overlooked the needs of a poor creature right outside my door.

That all changed.

I walked into my apartment and got a small cup of cat food (I have my own cat) and laid some out to feed her. She was incredibly scared at first, but eventually came closer and closer.

As she crept out of the shadows to eat, she became more trusting. Eventually she got close enough to let me pet her

Weeks passed. The more I fed her, the more friendly and trusting she became. She even started to approach me and meow when I came near.

I looked up information on the best practices to take care of feral cats. Houston has a free program to vaccinate and neuter strays, but this cat had already been taken in (you can tell by her ear which had been clipped).

Now that I’ve been feeding her and giving her positive attention, she has come out of the shadows. She’s lively and energetic and well-fed enough so you no longer see her ribs.

Because of my actions, she’s no longer needlessly suffering.

What I Learned About Making the World a Little Better

It’s easy to look at the world and see all the big problems going on around us. When we hear about injustice and violence, we want to do something.

Most of these problems are outside our control; there’s little we can do about the things we see happening in the news. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything to make the world better.

Think about how to make your surroundings a little better – the things and people you actually interact with on a regular basis.

Do a random act of kindness.

Stand up for someone who needs help.

Make someone smile.

Volunteer.

It starts by recognizing what you can do to help. In Morocco, no one gave a second thought to the stray cats. Even local Moroccans seemed not to notice the problem – most had no clue why there were so many stray cats to begin with.

But because they ignored the stray cats, it continued to be a problem there. Many cats needlessly suffer and die there because no one will take the time to do anything about it.

That’s what I had become too – someone who saw a clear problem but simply ignored it or refused to believe that it was there at all.

As Edmund Burke once said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” This cat taught me that I can’t just sit back and let bad things happen without doing something about it. If I just let this cat slowly starve to death, how could I possibly forgive myself?

Making the world a better place isn’t a one person job. It’s all our jobs. Think of how wonderful the world would be if we all just spent a little time trying to improve it.

As small as it may seem, by helping this cat, I’m making the world just a little better – it’s an extremely tiny, fraction better – but still better.

Even small efforts, if done by many people, can make a noticeable difference.

And really, that’s all most of us can do. For most people, making the world a better place starts by doing good at home.

6 Things Everyone Hates But Should Actually Be Thankful For

Steve Bloom 35 Comments

Things Everyone Hates But Should Be Grateful

Over the years, gratitude has been getting a lot of attention. As well it should. Counting our blessings has been shown in studies to improve health, mood and mental well-being. The benefits seem endless.

Making lists of what you’re thankful for is therapeutic because we can focus on the good and forget about the bad.

But are the bad things we leave off really that bad?

If we made a complete list of reasons to be thankful, it would have to include things people often complain about and actively try to avoid whenever possible.

These are things people would probably rank dead last on reasons to be grateful. But that’s only because people don’t realize that they should be thankful for them to begin with.

The truth is that a lot of good can come out of bad. Despite being the source of anger for so many people, these things can actually be very beneficial.

Things like:

1. Stress

No on likes stress, right? Even the name “stress” itself seems to have a harsh sound to it. And certainly, chronic stress can have negative consequences such as weight gain or depression.

Long periods of intense stress can be harmful, but short bursts of it actually has many amazing benefits.

Brief periods of stress can improve brain function and memory and boost your immune system. Added benefits include increased clarity, a general appreciation for one’s circumstances and better mental toughness.

Moreover the benefits of stress seem to increase based on your mental attitude. If you think it’s all harmful, it will negatively impact your health and well-being. But according to researchers adopting a “stress can be good” mindset actually increases the benefits you get from it.

So as weird as it might seem, taking the time to be thankful for stress can be good for your health.

2. Uncertainty about the future

The future is like a big question mark with plenty of uncertainty about what will happen. The unknown is fear-inducing as we worry about what troubles might be lurking around the corner.

But what would life be like if you knew everything that would ever happen to you? Imagine how boring and mundane it all would be. Yes, you’d be prepared for the bad times, but what about the good? If you knew everything that was going to happen, all those good moments waiting for you would seem less thrilling and less wonderful.

Uncertainty is a big part of what makes an exciting and fulfilling life. Not knowing what the future has in store for us can be scary, but that’s the fun of anticipation – seeing what happens.

3. Adversity and problems

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” – Bruce Lee

The University of Buffalo surveyed 2400 people repeatedly over a period of four years. Those who reported more adversity and difficulties actually had better mental health and well-being compared to those who had less.

The study highlights the connection between adversity and growth. It’s a sign that you’re pushing yourself to take on challenges others would simply avoid. Those who never experience adversity usually choose the easy life which is rarely exciting or fulfilling.

The only people who don’t experience difficulties are the ones who are standing still. Seeing your problems and difficulties purely in a negative light is misleading; they might just be signs of progress.

4. Pain

Some of us dream of a pain-free life. Some people are actually born without the ability to feel pain and would tell you that we don’t appreciate it as much as we should.

Pain is unpleasant and disruptive, but focusing entirely on the negative qualities ignores its positive motivational side. Would we change as quickly without pain?

Think of all the good things you’ve done because of pain. For example, you might have proposed to your girlfriend because the pain of losing her was too much. Maybe you pursued your dream because leaving it unfulfilled became too painful.

Seeing pain as entirely negative is missing the point about its purpose. It’s just a signal – that’s it. Yes, it’s an unpleasant signal, but if it pushes you in the right direction, is it really as bad as you think?

5. Our enemies

“We should value our enemies because they provide us with unique opportunities to practice patience, tolerance and forbearance.” – Dalai Lama

Just mentioning the name of an enemy can cause feelings of resentment and anger. But as much as you dislike your enemies, they can serve a real purpose beyond annoyance and frustration.

Your enemies are an opportunity to learn tolerance of others and the wisdom to respond to mean-spiritedness with kindness and compassion. Their irritability provides a chance to develop patience and calmness.

In addition, the competition you get with an enemy can be good for the mind. As they challenge your opinion or point of view, your mind quickly sharpens through debate and discussion. Each new verbal attack either strengthens your argument or reveals blind spots.

A good enemy can also be a major source of motivation. Striving to beat them, you work hard to make sure you reach your own goals ahead of them.

6. Making mistakes

It’s only natural to look at mistakes with some sense of regret. We hate making them and it’d be great if we just did everything perfectly. But as Alexander Pope famously stated, “to err is human.” Mistakes are going to happen – it’s a fundamental part of our nature.

But let’s get something straight. You become a better person because of mistakes, not despite them.

We can’t change much about making mistakes, but we can change our response to them. Continually repeating mistakes or failing to recognize them is misguided. Mistakes are only beneficial when we learn from them and use them as lessons to a better future.

Don’t regret mistakes; they’re valuable lessons in wisdom. That’s something to definitely be grateful for.
photo credit: Daniel Hoherd