Good Habits

This Too Shall Pass: Why a Peaceful Life is Found in Impermanence

Steve Bloom 4 Comments

This Too Shall Pass

In ancient Persia, a sultan called upon all his wisest men and asked them if there was a mantra he could follow that would help him get through any situation, no matter the time or place, in every joy and sorrow, defeat and victory.

After thinking for a long time on such a puzzling question, the wise men gave the sultan a ring with an inscription on it. They advised him to not look at it until he was in desperate need.

Some time later, a neighboring kingdom attacked and the sultan was forced to flee with the remnants of his army until he was trapped at the end of a road by a deep valley. As he heard his enemies approaching, he fell into deep despair over the hopeless situation.

Then he remembered the ring. He looked down at it to the inscription which read:

“This too shall pass.”

The message affected him greatly. As he thought about it, he calmed down and waited to see if his enemies would discover his whereabouts. Eventually the noise of horses receded and disappeared. The danger had passed.

The sultan immediately regrouped his forces and fought bravely in a counterattack. Eventually he overtook his enemies and regained his empire.

Upon his arrival, the people greeted him as a hero. Flowers showered on him from every house; people danced joyously.

Looking over such a happy occasion, the sultan thought to himself, “I am one of the greatest people alive. No one can defeat me.” As the celebration continued around him, his vanity and ego grew larger.

Suddenly, he remembered the ring with its inscription. He looked down at it again and read it:

“This too shall pass.”

And he realized this celebration is only temporary. He relaxed once again and let his vanity fade into a state of humbleness. Because good times may be temporary, he greeted everyone with a newfound sense of gratitude, resolving to enjoy this moment for as long as it lasts.

Life is Constantly in Flux – All Things Will Pass

This story ties in with a Buddhist concept called “impermanence.” It’s the idea that everything we experience is simply a series of moments. All of existence is in a constant state of flux – nothing is fixed, only temporary.

Rather than seeing our life as one long story arc, “impermanence” sees everything as a constant series of changes.

Life is always evolving. Even around us, things that seem permanent such as mountains are actually going through constant changes as the teutonic forces underneath move and reshape its size and structure.

The idea of impermanence is difficult for some people. Change isn’t always easy to go through and if every moment is only temporary, then nothing – even good times – can last forever.

But there’s a beauty to the idea of impermanence captured by this story. When you accept the idea that “this too shall pass”, you can live a more peaceful life.

When Things Are Going Bad

In the story, the sultan reached one of the lowest points in his life when he was surrounded by his enemies and his empire was on the brink of destruction.

But when he looked at his circumstances as something that was only temporary, he realized that this situation, with all his fear and dread, would somehow eventually end. It could not possibly last forever.

When heartbreak or loss happens in our own lives, we can be too quick to think of it as something permanent. Whether you lost your job, ended a relationship or your college application was rejected, you get caught up in how bad everything is going right at that moment.

It might seem as if you’re stuck, unable to move ahead.

But it’s important to remember that “this too shall pass”. Bad moments don’t last forever. Whether it takes days, weeks or even a few years, eventually circumstances and situations change and difficult situations and hardships get left in the past.

Sometimes that little reminder – “it’s only temporary” – is just what you need to help you get through difficult times.

When Life is Going Well

Focusing on impermanence isn’t just important for bad times though. It’s just as useful for when things are going really well.

After the sultan conquered his enemy and returned victorious to his empire, he was surrounded by a magnificent celebration in his honor. This fueled his ego with vanity and hubris until he looked at the ring and realized that “this too shall pass.”

Here, his problem wasn’t adversity; it was about tempering his own self-image to the good fortune going on around him.

When things are going well for us, we can often let it get to our heads. We grow overconfident and take our situations for granted. By reminding yourself that good times are also temporary, it helps you remember to cherish them.

If you’ve ever loved someone and lost them, then you realize how easy it is to take them for granted.

If you’ve ever had good times come to an end, you know how much you should have spent appreciating and enjoying them.

When the sultan recognized the impermanence of this celebration – and that the future might reverse his good fortune – he let go of his ego so he could make way for gratitude.

By recognizing the impermanence of good times, you remind yourself to see how lucky you are. When you know good times can come to an end, you can’t afford to take anything for granted. It helps you enjoy the time you have and feel more grateful for each good moment that comes your way.

Unlike the sultan, none of us need a ring with this inscription. By just reminding ourselves that “this too shall pass”, we put perspective on the good and bad times in our lives and bring a little more peace to each moment.

7 Reasons Why Helping Others Will Make You Live a Better Life

Steve Bloom 13 Comments

Helping Others

A few years ago, while I was teaching a writing class abroad in Morocco, one of my student’s parents asked to talk to me. She noticed her son had made major progress in his writing and wanted to let me know she appreciated my effort to make the work fun and engaging.

Her appreciation was so sincere and her gratitude so heartfelt that it still gives me a warm feeling just thinking about it.

I don’t know if I’ve ever been so satisfied with anything I’ve done before or since that moment. To know that your work means so much to someone else made me understand the value that comes from helping other people.

The experience also made me realize that helping other people is an important part of living a good life.

Now, just to be clear, I’m not an idealist who thinks that love and charity alone is all that matters. I still make decisions based upon my self-interest.

What I’m saying is that helping others should be done as much as possible. Looking for ways to help others doesn’t just have a positive impact on the people you’re helping, it’s good for everyone. We should want to help others succeed in life because that, in turn, helps ourselves.

Here’s why:

1. It makes you happy: the science of a “helper’s high”

Most of us want to feel like our lives mean something – that we’re making a positive difference in the world. So it’s not surprising that several studies have shown how helping others can boost our sense of happiness.

  • One study showed that helping others through volunteer work increased levels of happiness in the participants.
  • In another study, people were given money to either spend on themselves or give to charity. Those who gave to charity felt happier.
  • Happy workers are more likely to report that they regularly help others.
  • Some studies have shown that children under the age of two report being happier when they give treats away rather than receiving treats themselves.

Scientists have been studying a phenomenon called “helper’s high”: helping others releases endorphins which, in turn, improves mood and boosts self-esteem. In short, helping others feels good. It’s possible that helping others does more for the happiness of the person helping than the person who receives the help.

2. It builds stronger social connections to friends and community

Helping others isn’t a one way street where you do something good for someone and then you both go about your way. When you’ve touched someone’s life in a positive way, you feel connected to them; it’s a bonding experience. It builds trust through cooperation which not only brings them closer to you, it brings you closer to them.

When you choose to help others, especially if it’s face to face, you’re entering their lives in a positive way, reinforcing social connections as you go.

It reminds me of that student’s mother I met. If I hadn’t helped her son so much, I would never have met her – she’d have no reason to meet me. Because of my actions, I made another positive connection to the people around me.

3. You adapt better to stress and adversity by building resilience

It may seem strange, but helping others doesn’t add more stress to your life, it actually helps us manage stress better.

In one study, college students took an immersion trip where they helped the poor. Those who took this trip were assessed months later and were found to manage stress and adversity much better than their peers.

Why is that?

It’s about perspective. By looking at the challenges of others’ lives, you can take that point of view into your own. It makes you more accepting of the stress and hardships we all have to face.

Sometimes we lose that perspective in a culture obsessed with celebrities living glorified lives, seemingly carefree. But helping others takes us back to reality by reminding ourselves that most people struggle – and that it’s ok if we do too.

4. It’s good for your career

There are many factors to think about when trying to find a satisfying career: autonomy, creative freedom and meaning are a few examples. But one of the biggest things to consider is how your work impacts others.

People who work as a medical professional, psychologist, religious figure or firefighter often give high ratings of job satisfaction. The connection between all of these professions is that they all help people on a regular basis.

Those who are happiest in their job, more committed and less likely to quit make it a priority to help others – either co-workers or customers.

Even if your job doesn’t deal with people directly, it can help to think about how your work helps people in some way. By taking time to think about what you do and how it helps people in some capacity, you’ll feel better about it – even if it’s just a little.

5. It’s good for business

What’s the goal of a business? One answer might be making money by selling a product or service. Yes, that’s true. But I’d take it a step further: businesses make money by finding ways to help people.

Look at these examples:

Google was created to make searching the internet easier and faster, with better results.

Gyms earn money by providing a place to exercise.

Uber is trying to make on-demand car service better.

Amazon simplified online buying and selling so it’s easier.

Businesses often seem shady because they’re seen as money-driven. The image of a corporate raider using sneaky tactics to weasel their way through a system is commonplace, and there is some truth to it. Not all companies help others – cigarette companies for example.

But the companies that do best, focus on helping others and solving their problems. Both Steve Jobs and Henry Ford revolutionized the world by solving problems people didn’t even realize they had. Businesses that solve problems in the best and cheapest way will win – and we win right along with them.

6. Better health; it can make you live longer

If you want to live longer, be a giver. At least that’s the conclusion of a huge study on volunteer work. The link between better health and helping others is striking.

  • It lowers rates of depression and puts you in a better mood.
  • It lowers your risk of dying by at least 22%.
  • It’s good for your mental health.

The researchers were careful to not draw conclusions about why helping others is so good for health, but it probably has something to do with the social contact we make while doing it.

We’re hardwired for social interactions which includes a lot of touch, eye contact and smiles. Such interactions release a hormone called Oxytocin which helps us bond and care for others and helps us manage stress. Not only that, but doing good makes us happier which, in turn, makes us healthier.

7. It can help you find meaning in your life

There’s a link between helping others and finding meaning in your life. And it’s not just those who have already found purpose giving back. Instead, helping others can actually CREATE a sense of meaning in our lives.

Helping others fulfills some of our most basic needs such as connecting with others and seeing how your actions make a positive difference. Those are the areas that help define a meaningful life.

The idea that there is a link between a meaningful life and helping others is actually a rather old one. Carol Ryff, a psychologist, reviewed the writings of numerous philosophers and thinkers throughout history and found one overarching ideas: that helping others is “a central feature of a positive, well-lived life.”

A meaningful life isn’t found, but created through our actions. And it starts with looking for ways to help others.

Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision

Steve Bloom 5 Comments

Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision

Through the course of our lives, we’re confronted with a lot of big decisions. Who should I marry? Should I quit the job I don’t like or stay in it? What major do I want to pursue in college?

We worry about such decisions because they have a huge impact on our lives. The major you pick in college will influence the jobs you can get. Marrying someone means making a serious commitment.  We want to make sure we make the right decisions.

When it comes to making the right decision, I’ll be going over two major points in this post.

  1. Why spending a lot of effort finding the “right” decision is usually a waste of time (and can actually make your decision worse).
  2. What you should do instead of worrying about making the “right” decision.

Is there a “Best” Choice?

Think back to a big decision you’ve had to make in the past – one you worried about. With a wealth of information online you probably looked up everything you could, spending hours digging up every scrap of data.

Most people assume that more information is better. The more informed you are, the better decision you’ll make, right?

Well, it’s actually the opposite. More information often makes decision-making harder and leads to more mistakes.

Here’s an example to consider: let’s say you’re offered a job which requires you to move to across the country.

So you look online to compare your current city to the new one. You consider things like: weather, traffic, cost of living, entertainment, culture, festivals, museums, sports teams, the dating pool, parks, airports, the cost of the move, the crime rate, the pros and cons of the new job, leaving friends and family behind.

Then maybe you start to consider a third option of applying to a job somewhere else and, by this point, it has become a confusing mess.

Here’s why looking at all that information weakens your ability to make a good decision.

1. When we make decisions, we compare bundles of information (in the case above it’s the pros and cons of moving). So a decision is harder if the amount of information you have to juggle is greater because you can’t keep track of it all.

2. The brain pays more attention to the most recent information and discounts what came earlier (It’s called the “recency effect”). This means your mind puts more weight on the last bits of information which are usually the least important.

3. When you keep collecting information, your mind doesn’t get the time it needs to process it all. It can’t just sit back and let it sink in.

Worse yet, putting pressure on yourself to make the right choice can increase anxious feelings about it. The greater the pressure, the bigger the fear of making the wrong decision.

And when you do finally make your decision, you’ll be less happy about it. Here’s why:

Over-worrying about a decision puts too much focus on finding the “best choice”. This makes it harder to fully commit to the choice once it’s been made because there will always be some doubt left over; the mind will question if it was good or not. All this second-guessing makes it hard to be satisfied and happy with it.

There’s a big flaw in trying to find the “best” choice. Most decisions have good and bad aspects to them. Time spent eliminating the ones you definitely know are wrong is good. But after that, more information won’t help.

Rather than seeing decisions as good or bad, see them as a spectrum of possibilities. There is no right or wrong, just different outcomes.

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another…There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities.” – Deepak Chopra

What to Do Instead of Looking for the “Right” Decision

Here’s what Scott McNealy, CEO and co-founder of Sun Microsystems, said about decisions in a lecture:

“It’s important to make good decisions. But I spend much less time and energy worrying about ‘making the right decision’ and much more time and energy ensuring that any decision I make turns out right.”

Worrying about the right decision puts too much emphasis on the moment of choice. But the time after you’ve made the choice is a lot longer – and often more important.

Don’t worry so much on making the “right” decision. Spend more time making sure the decision you make turns out right.

Because here’s the truth:

You can spend hours, days or even months trying to make the right decision by researching every piece of information you can find and analyzing every potential angle – and it can still fail.

It’s also true that a mediocre decision can turn out well, with enough effort to make it work.

The decision you make matters less than the follow through. Instead of finding the “right” decision, focus your efforts on what happens after the decision has been made.

This Powerful Mindset Helped John Steinbeck Write His Greatest Novels

Steve Bloom 2 Comments

JohnSteinbeck

During John Steinbeck’s long career as a writer, he created some of the most beloved and acclaimed works in literature including such masterpieces as Of Mice and Men, East of Eden and The Pearl.

I’ve always been fascinated by his work so last year I set a goal to read every book published under his name – 27 in total. I wanted to see if I could glean some understanding into what made him so prolific and memorable.

Well, I finished reading every book and I feel like I gained an insight into how he approached his work. In one of his writing journals, he made a remarkable statement about his writing that I feel we could all learn from:

“…no one else knows my lack of ability the way I do. I am pushing against it all the time. Sometimes, I seem to do a good little piece of work, but when it is done it slides into mediocrity.”

What makes this passage so incredible is that the book he was writing at the time, which he described as “mediocre”, was The Grapes of Wrath, often considered to be one of the greatest novels ever written.

When the book was released, it became an instant sensation, going on to sell 14 million copies. It’s the book that won him the Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Yet here in this excerpt, he describes his writing in it as mediocre.

Feel the Doubt and Just Keep Going

But the big takeaway from this quote isn’t that Steinbeck experienced doubt about his work. The key phrase in this quote is that he said he was “pushing against [his lack of ability] all the time.”

No matter how much he criticized his own work, he kept pushing forward.

No matter how much doubt he had about his abilities, he kept pushing against it to keep going.

This attitude is what separates the successful from the unsuccessful. Those who do the greatest work learn to push against their own self-doubts and fears. They don’t try NOT to feel them, they just keep moving forward despite all those feelings.

It’s important to learn to push against your feelings of self-doubt and fear because, as strange as it might seem, those feelings might be signs that you’re actually more capable than you realize.

When faced with a difficult task or goal, most people downplay their strengths and abilities. In psychology, it’s called the “Dunning-Kruger effect”.

In one research study into the effect, a group of students were asked to rate their ability to understand and interpret humor, grammar and logic. Then they were asked to take a test on those subjects.

The ones who scored best consistently underestimated their abilities and expressed the biggest doubt about their chances of success. This study has been repeated on a multitude of skills and abilities with the same results – those who doubted themselves the most, often did best.

It’s a paradox. Rather than making you more confident about your skills and abilities, being good at something might actually give you more fear and doubt. This is especially true when you’re pushing into new areas you haven’t tried yet.

And often, those doubts and fears don’t go away.

Take a look at Garth Brooks.

He’s one of the most successful recording artists of the twentieth century. He’s sold more than 190 million records, more than any other solo artist (except Elvis) and consistently sells out huge concert venues.

Yet, no matter how successful or beloved he becomes, he still gets incredibly nervous and scared before every performance.  Here’s what he said about it in an interview taken just over a year ago:

“I still get nervous. I hope there’s never a show where I don’t, but it’s more – the word now becomes ‘anxious’…The first night in Chicago, I looked over at [Trisha] Yearwood, and I said, ‘Are you scared?’ She said, ‘I’m scared to death.’ I said, ‘Me too.’”

He gets scared to death before every performance.  Just like Steinbeck, he pushes against his doubts and fears all the time, but keeps moving forward.

These stories belie our general expectation about how things are supposed to go.

We think that more we push ourselves, the more confident we’ll get.

We think that fear and anxiety will decrease the more successful we become.

However this isn’t always true. Many of us are never going to fully overcome our feelings of self-doubt and fear. Facing those feelings every time is a part of the process.

Doing What You’re Capable of Doing

“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” – Bruce Lee

Fortunately fear never prevents Garth Brooks from appearing on stage; and doubt didn’t stop Steinbeck from writing the Great American Novel.

They just faced up to the truth: the path to greatness doesn’t always get easier – you just get stronger.

Whenever you start to feel fear and doubt, just remember that some of the most successful people on the planet feel the exact same way.

Start using fear and doubt to push yourself to do even more.

Start seeing it as a sign that you’re more capable than you realize rather than as a sign of what you can’t do.

The minute you stop underestimating your abilities, the sooner you can start doing all those things you’re capable of doing. Then you’ll be one step closer to something Henry Ford once said:

“If we did all the things we were capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”

Walt Disney’s Magical Strategy for Being Excellent in Everything

Steve Bloom 10 Comments

Walt Disney Plussing It

Disney is one of history’s greatest innovators. He was the first person to add sound and color to his animated films. While everyone else was making cartoon shorts, he dared to make a full-length animated movie, Snow White, which turned into a massive hit.

When he made Bambi, he took it even further. In order to draw realistic-looking animals, he hired an expert on anatomy to teach the animators. Then he actually created a small zoo on the studio lot so they could observe animals directly.

Still unsatisfied, he paid photographers to go out into the wild to capture scenes of deer and rabbits in their natural habitat.

The results speak for themselves. Compared to earlier animation, Bambi was groundbreaking in its realism.

This story perfectly highlights one of Disney’s pioneering ideas – something he called “plussing”.

When he talked to his imagineers or employees about their projects, he would often tell them to “plus it.”

They knew what he meant; he was asking them to take their ideas or plans to the next level. He knew there was always another notch to move up in order to turn something good into something excellent.

Disney successfully used this idea repeatedly throughout his career. Walt plussed everything from his animation to customer service and even his theme park rides.

With the help of “plussing” Disney created a multi-billion dollar company known for its quality and pursuit of excellence.

There’s an inspiring lesson in Disney’s idea of “plussing”. His constant search for improvement and betterment is something we can all learn from. What if we used it in our everyday lives?

So what exactly does “plussing” mean?

Make Good Details Into Great Ones

One important part of “plussing” was placing a high importance on details.

On many rides, he would spend hours optimizing the tiniest sound effects. On another ride, a mahjong game was set up at the beginning. Rather than have the tiles spread out haphazardly, he hired actual players to play a game and stop half way so it looked authentic.

Any project Disney worked on might have hundreds or thousands of small details to oversee. He knew that an improvement to one wouldn’t mean much, but improving a thousand would mean a huge difference.

Take a look at this graph to see what a 1% improvement to thousands of small details does over time.

Details Matter

Details matter simply because there are so many of them. By taking time to improve as many as possible, Disney would bring out the excellence in any project.

Disney animators even came up with a term for this obsession to details which they called “bumping the lamp.”

It refers to a scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit (watch it, it’s such a small detail, but makes the scene better) when Roger is bouncing around and interacting with the live objects. The lamp in the scene is constantly bumping and swaying even between cuts.

It was time consuming to keep the continuity of this lamp swinging correctly between shots and hardly anyone in the audience would notice if it wasn’t right, but this detail – along with the other amazing details in the movie – add up to a unique and wonderful experience.

People usually forget about details since they can be easily ignored. But if you think about it, there is a lot of power in them.

For example, imagine plussing your workouts. There are countless small details with your routine, nutrition or form to make slight improvements. Even the smallest improvement to every detail would benefit your workouts dramatically.

Even recently I’ve been plussing my website by focusing on the details – most of them are things people would never notice – such as font size, font type and deleting unnecessary parts to make the reader experience more enjoyable.

Each small change doesn’t mean much alone, but they’ve all added up to a noticeable difference. People are staying longer and more readers are subscribing.

Go Above and Beyond Expectations

Another key component to Walt Disney’s “plussing” is exceeding expectations.

Shortly after Walt Disney opened his theme park, he decided to hold a Christmas parade. When he totaled up the expense, he realized his idea and vision would cost the park roughly $350,000.

His accountants begged him not to spend the money because the people would already be there; nobody would complain if it didn’t happen because no one was expecting it.

Disney’s response was,

“We should do it precisely because no one’s expecting it. Our goal at Disneyland is to always give people more than they expect. As long as we keep surprising them, they’ll keep coming back. But if they ever stop coming, it’ll cost us ten times that much to get them to come back”

Here’s the major takeaway from this story: always do more than what’s expected from everyone, including yourself.

If you think about it, meeting expectations means doing the bare minimum. Isn’t the bare minimum another way of saying mediocrity?

Look for ways to go above and beyond by doing what’s NOT expected of you. Just doing that little more can make all the difference between average and outstanding.

If you want a project to get noticed, do more than what’s expected.

For a better chance of getting a promotion at work, you have to go above and beyond your normal duties.

If you want to build muscle in the gym, you have to work harder than normal.

Sometimes it can be something simple.

A few nights ago, I spent a romantic evening with my wife. Instead of doing our usual routine, I “plussed it” by darkening the room and lighting candles.

She wasn’t expecting it and she had no reason to think I’d do it. But that small addition made an otherwise typical romantic evening into something more magical. It actually brightened her day more than I possibly could have imagined.

Plus Everything

I’ve been using Disney’s ideas about “plussing” to improve as many things in my life as possible.

When you keep making small improvements here and there, you start to realize just how much more you could be doing.  There’s always something more to improve to take you beyond what you were doing before.

“Plussing” is just as much a philosophy as it is a mindset.  When you start to see all the improvements you could be making, you start to think and act in ways that will “plus it.”  As Disney once said, “Just do your best work – then try to trump it.”
photo credit: Andy Castro

Your Beautiful Life Will Expand When You Eliminate the Excess

Steve Bloom 20 Comments

Eliminate the Excess

For many people, a good life is about more.

More stuff. More things to do. More friends. More of everything.

For me, a good life is about less.

I moved from a big house into a small apartment. In the process, I donated or threw away many of the things I owned. I even donated my car – my wife and I just share one together.

I’ve cut out a lot of media. Other than a few shows, I don’t watch any cable TV. I’ve tried to cut time spent on my smartphone, especially to check Twitter and email. I deleted my Facebook app completely so I rarely check it.

This year I’ve even experimented with cutting out alcohol; I haven’t had a single drop since the beginning of the year – I actually really love it and I’m considering making this a permanent change.

But it’s more than that.

I’ve cleared my mind of negative thinking and excuses (I’m working on complaining).

I’ve also cut toxic friends out of my life. Some have been friends for years which made it quite a difficult decision despite their negativity and destructive behavior.

Each step of the way, I made a conscious effort to cut out something that no longer fit what I wanted my life to be about.

The funny thing is that as I’ve continued to make these cuts, I’ve noticed quite the paradox:

The more things I cut out of my life, the bigger and grander it becomes.

If Less Is More Than More Is Less

Our lives are essentially built around limitations.

  • There are only so many things we can focus our attention on.
  • Our mental capacity and information-processing is limited.
  • We have a limited amount of tasks we can do every day.
  • Our discipline and willpower isn’t endless.
  • Then there’s time: we only get 24 hours a day – no matter what.

I’ve started to treat these limitations as they should be: valuable resources. If something is wasting one of them, I want to cut it out.

If it doesn’t improve life and isn’t important in some way, it just takes up valuable energy or time as excess – that’s space you could be using on something that truly matters.

Think of it this way.

Your life is like a cup of water. You can keep filling it up and up as much as you want, but eventually it will start to overflow. Whether it’s time, energy or focus, eventually your limits come into play and you can’t add any more to the cup – something will spill over and get lost in the process.

By trying to fill your cup with more, you’ll actually end up spilling some off the sides and getting less.

The trick is to look at the contents of the cup directly. Is all the water in there necessary?

Some of it might be dirty or tainted (things like negative thinking or toxic friends)

Some of it might be easily taken out to make room (time-wasting activities and tasks)

Some of it might be another liquid other than water (unnecessary distractions like checking email and Facebook or general clutter around the house)

Little by little, the excess water is taken out to make room. The cup can’t get larger, but you can make it seem larger simply by getting rid of the excess.

A Life Weighed Down With Excess

Some of the most successful people on the planet have already been adopting this idea of getting rid of excess to get more out of life.

For example, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Barack Obama and Einstein all cut down their wardrobe to one or two outfits so they had one less decision to make every day. Einstein argued that his brainpower and focus would be better spent elsewhere.

As it turns out, our decision-making ability can be weakened in a process known as “decision fatigue”. We may start off making good decisions, but if you make too many, you start to get bad at it. By cutting out excess decisions such as what to wear, you increase your ability to make better ones elsewhere..

It’s for this same reason that successful lawyers and businessmen delegate tasks to junior associates. They want to get rid of the excess tasks so they can focus their valuable time and energy on the things that matter most.

You Decide What Excess Is

Don’t get me wrong about this post. I’m not advocating that you should move out of your home or eliminate alcohol or TV. Just because these are things that I don’t want anymore, doesn’t mean that you don’t want them.

The point of this post is to get you thinking about what you’re filling your life with and deciding if it’s excess that could be eliminated. Start asking these questions:

Are there some things I can cut out to make room for the life I want?

What low-value tasks or activities are taking up my time that I can eliminate?

Are there toxic friends or thoughts I could get rid of?

What you decide is excess is up to you.

But by filling our lives with unnecessary busy-ness, distractions, tasks and clutter, we’re expending too much of our personal resources. That’s space we could be using to live the lives we actually want.

The best part about it is that by getting rid of the excess, you’ll find a renewed focus to your life. There will be more time and energy to spend on the things that matter most to you.

Many of us are already living a good life, but it’s covered up with a lot of unnecessary junk. By getting rid of the excess, you allow the life you want to expand.
photo credit: Chechi Peinado

8 Habits that Will Help You Live Life Without Regrets

Steve Bloom 31 Comments

Live Life Without Regrets

“Living a life with no mistakes and without any regrets is extraordinarily hard to accomplish. A lifetime of making choices brings with it the knowledge that at least some actions were ill-considered…To live, it seems is to accumulate at least some regrets.”

This excerpt comes from a fascinating study from Cornell University. After sifting through mountains of data, this report provides a lot of useful insights into how and why regrets occur.

Living life without regret is certainly difficult – chances are you already have one or two. But with the knowledge from this report, I’ve been able to devise a few simple habits to minimize them as much as possible.

It’s been said that regret is “an insight gained a day too late.”

For many of us, those insights come decades too late.

Instead of waiting to see what regrets await me, I’d rather take action now. Here are some ways to reduce those thoughts of “what might have been…”

1. Make time

“I don’t have enough time.” It’s a simple, common excuse, but can keep you away from realizing your biggest dreams to your smallest goals.

Even if you don’t think you have enough time, you have to learn to make it.

Take a lesson from John Grisham. While writing his first novel, he worked 60-70 hours a week, using any time in the morning or during courtroom recess he could find.

By most people’s measures, Grisham had no time whatsoever to write a novel. But by fitting his writing in whenever he could, he found enough to launch his writing career.

Find time to do those things you want – otherwise, you’ll miss out on some important goals.

2. Do the things that push your potential to be everything you can be

When people talk about regrets, they often mention the actions they wish they had done. But it’s more specific than that. It’s not just actions, it’s fulfilling actions that matter most.

If you look at regrets closely, a common theme emerges – the failure to reach our full potential.

Abraham Maslow described it as self-actualization – the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and becoming all you can be.

Think about some ways people express regret.

“What would have happened if I had just tried harder in school?”

“What if I had developed my artistic skills?”

People often regret unrealized potential – the unexplored skills or wasted opportunities for personal development. It’s important to find something meaningful and fulfilling that can challenge you and make you grow as a person.

3. Live by these words: “It’s better to try and fail than fail at trying”

Imagine putting all your effort into achieving a massive goal, but you fail to make it happen.

Now imagine a second person who has the same exact aspirations but never even tries. They don’t even take the first step because they can’t find the courage.

Despite failing, you’re still leaps and bounds ahead of the second person. You tried. That’s something you can feel proud about for the rest of your life. The other person can only wonder “what if…”

4. Listen to your “shoulds”

The Cornell study highlighted that it’s the things we should have done that are often the ones that we regret the most.

“I should have studied more in college.”

“I should have told my father that I loved him before he died.”

“I should have traveled more.”

“I should have tried writing a book.”

Think about it for a minute. Years from this moment, what will you say you should be doing right now? Reflect on the answers until you understand all the “shoulds” you have floating around in your head.

Simply put, do this:

Step 1: Ask yourself: “What is something important I should be doing right now?”
Step 2: Go do it.

5. Use unhappiness as a mentor and guide

I don’t see unhappiness as a completely negative emotion. Sure, it’s not a pleasant feeling, but it serves a useful purpose.

Sadness is a signal that something in your life needs to change. Think of it as a signpost telling you that you’re heading in the wrong direction. Listen to it. Learn from it. If you completely ignore or avoid it, you’re missing out on an opportunity to make positive changes and get on the path that’s right for you.

6. Act on your impulses more often

As the Cornell study highlighted, it’s the actions we didn’t do that we most regret. But what keeps us away from taking action to begin with?

Psychologically, we put more emphasis on immediate consequences more than long-term ones. For example, someone will stay in a job they hate far too long simply to avoid the short term pain of quitting. Of course, when they’re still in that job years later, they regret not having quit sooner.

One way to get around this obstacle is to act on your impulses. Get into the habit of making quick decisions and immediately doing them..

The longer you wait to take action, the more you start to focus on the short-term consequences rather than the long-term benefits. In a sense, you talk yourself out of doing it.

With each minute you wait, your will to act weakens. Then you just put off a decision you wish you’d made sooner.

7. Find the silver lining to bad decisions

If you’ve ever made a mistake, then congratulations – you’re human. With all the decisions and choices we face, we’re bound to do or say something we wish we hadn’t.

Rather than seeing those bad decisions as something to forget, you can use them to move into a better future. See each bad decision as an opportunity to learn and grow wiser. If you can use the bad decisions from your past to make you a better person today, you’ll feel better about them and they’ll have served a useful purpose.

8. Spend more time on love and relationships

According to another study from Northwestern University, the most frequently mentioned topics of regret are about romance and relationships.

More than any other topic – including education, work, travel, money issues and health. Love and relationships (especially family relationships) were listed more than any other.

Both romance and relationships highlight the importance of the people we hold closely in our lives. Most people in the survey regretted a lost love connection or a family squabble or a time they were unkind to a family member.

This is a great reminder to cherish the people around us – the people who give our lives meaning and joy. By building stronger and closer bonds with our loved ones, we can help avoid any possible regrets of things that might go wrong.
photo credit: Thomas Hawk