Self Improvement

Why Having Faith in Yourself is so Damn Important

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Wherever you go in life, whatever you want to do, you must have faith in yourself.

This is not the same thing as believing in yourself – faith means a lot more than that.

Belief is an opinion or judgment in which a person is fully persuaded based upon some reason or piece of information.

For example, you might believe you can run a marathon because you’ve been able to run a half marathon.  You believe in your ability based on experience.

Faith is a little different.  It’s similar to believing in yourself, but it’s more than that.  Faith is when you think something without being able to point exactly to a specific reason why.

Faith is stronger than belief.  Faith is when you struggle towards something even if there is no justification or proof that you can make it happen.

When I first started blogging, I knew no one online.  No one.  Other than my wife, I had no support network.  My parents didn’t even know about this blog until about a year after it was created.

I can’t point to a specific reason why I thought I could write for so long and build an audience – there was none.  The last time I had written anything was about a year prior to my first post.

I remember trying to get my name out there.  I would try to form relationships with other bloggers but it got me very little.  I was new so they were justifiably reserved about getting to know me.

No one online was encouraging me.  No one sent me emails telling me to keep going and how much they loved what I was writing.

The only thing that kept me going was faith.  I had faith that I would eventually hit my stride and find an audience.   I had faith that I would eventually write enough engaging content to get attention.

It’s amazing to me how much the situation has reversed after all these years.

I don’t seek out other people very often anymore.  In fact, people come to me a lot more than I ever reach out.

I remember when getting others to read my blog took time and effort.  Now others ask me to read their blog and engage with them.  I have a bookshelf full of books from publicists and bloggers sending me free copies of their work.  In one case, someone wanted to send me a copy of their documentary.

We all start, more or less, from the beginning.  No one starts off at the end.

Leonardo da Vinci didn’t start off with all his paintings and creations finished.  He had to painstakingly work his way through each one.

Charles Dickens didn’t start off with an entire library of work.  He had to sit down and write every single day until eventually he had a stack of books to his name.

No one paid attention to Charles Dickens when he wrote his first sentence.  There was no reason to think he would make it big.

When Leonardo da Vinci was young, no one told him that he would one day be a famous artist.  No one told him that his work would be beloved for ages after his death.

It was probably the opposite.  He probably had more people tell him to give up painting and get a “real job”.  In fact, when he first started out, many people shrugged off his work – there wasn’t very much encouragement.

This will go for you too.  Whatever you want to do, there will be a lot more people around to tell you that you can’t do it.  You won’t get very much encouragement – no one will tell you that you’re destined for greatness.

Whenever you set out for something big – something bigger than you’ve ever done – you’ll face the same critics.  For every person who supports you, you’ll find a dozen who try to knock you down.

People will be indifferent.  You’ll tell them your goals and dreams and they’ll shrug it off as if they aren’t a big deal.

Every great person starts off with nothing.  Many great painters and actors had to work part-time jobs for years under the faith that they’ll find a way.

I always try to keep that in mind.  I started off in the blogging world with nothing and have been working my way up.  I have a much larger audience than I could have hoped.

Weirdly, sometimes when I’m out at the movies or a restaurant, I let my mind wander on the subject.  I imagine one of the employees is an artist or musician trying to make it big.

Then I imagine they offer to show me their art or music.  As hard as it is for me to say, I have to admit that my first instinct is to say no.

It makes me feel a little bad about myself.  For all I know, this person is the next Picasso or Macklemore.

But then I remind myself that we all start at the beginning.  One day that person serving me in a restaurant could write the next Harry Potter or become a huge actor or create clean energy.  We all have to start somewhere.
Chris Lofqvist

50 Things Really Smart People Do All the Time

Really Smart
What does it mean to be smart?

You could quantify it as a number on an IQ chart. Or perhaps it comes from that diploma from a fancy university.

But IQ tests are fundamentally flawed according to many researchers. They don’t take into account the various ways people can be smart.

And to be honest, I’ve met people who have PhDs or went to ivy league schools that don’t seem much smarter than the average person. On the flipside, I’ve met college dropouts who are extremely brilliant.

My idea of smartness is a lot of different from your average definition.

Intelligence doesn’t form in the lofty tower of academia or even in narrow library corridors. Being smart comes from a series of habits, a mindset and how you interact with the world.

In short, intelligence is something you do, not something you are.

But it’s more than that. The things people do to be smart are cumulative. There are not one, two or even ten things you can do to make yourself smarter. There are a lot of different actions you can take that all affect your brain power.

I’ve listed fifty of the things people do that make them smarter. I’m certain there are a lot more than I’ve listed here, but this is what I have so far:

1. Follow your curiosity
2. Wait for all information before giving an opinion

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.” – Harlan Ellison

3. Debate topics – don’t pointlessly argue
4. Try to understand things from other people’s point of view
5. Be more interested in the truth rather than being right
6. Read challenging books

“If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

7. Look up what you don’t understand yet
8. Ask people about their interests
9. Value knowledge for its own sake
10. Realize just how little you actually know

“I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.” – Socrates

11. Find learning opportunities with everyone you meet
12. Search answers to tough, difficult-to-answer questions
13. Watch documentaries
14. Learn to listen carefully to other people’s opinions
15. Be comfortable holding two opposing ideas at the same time

“The test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald from The Crack Up

16. Know how to use logic and reasoning
17. Know when others use bad logic and reasoning
18. Have an insatiable hunger to learn more
19. Persist on problems until you find a solution

“It is not that I’m so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer.” – Albert Einstein

20. Be willing to admit you’re wrong
21. Prefer hard truths instead of comfortable lies

“When Kepler found his long-cherished belief did not agree with the most precise observation, he accepted the uncomfortable fact. He preferred the hard truth to his dearest illusions; that is the heart of science.” – Carl Sagan from Cosmos

22. Accept that there are multiple ways to interpret reality
23. Seek out learning opportunities such as museums
24. Be willing to open your mind to new ideas

“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

25. Base opinions off facts

“It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics.” – George Bernard Shaw

26. Value consensus, but don’t be afraid to think for yourself
27. Push yourself to try new things
28. Learn lessons from experience
29. Challenge your assumptions

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” – Isaac Asimov

30. Understand that life isn’t black and white
31. Observe what’s going on around you with the intent to understand
32. Don’t be afraid to take intellectual risks
33. Learn to separate logic from emotion
34. Be aware enough to recognize bias in others
35. Be self-aware enough to recognize your own bias

“An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things.” – Bryant H. McGill

36. Understand that complex issues rarely have simple solutions
37. Learn to be skeptical, but open to new ideas
38. Think towards what’s possible, not impossible
39. Prefer to discuss ideas instead of people or things

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss things; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

40. Give value to good thoughts and ideas – regardless of who says them
41. Learn to think objectively as well as subjectively
42. Empathize with others
43. Gain the ability to change – especially with new information

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” – Stephen Hawking

44. Learn from those who are smarter than yourself
45. Experience the arts
46. Seek old ideas so you can learn and build off them

“All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again.” – Johann Wolfgang van Goethe from Wilhelm Meister’s Journeyman Years

47. Learn to take things apart and rearrange them into something new
48. Actively seek out information that challenges your worldview
49. Understand that common sense is sometimes (and often) wrong
50. Recognize that there is no limit to human intelligence
photo credit: Tristan Martin

A Simple Mindshift for Explosive Change

Costa Rica

*Note: This is a guest post by Razwana Wahid.

The suspense was killing me.

The build up had been happening for weeks.

This was marketing genius.

Feverishly salivating over every email I opened leading up to the big day, I’d made my decision before the offer had even landed in my inbox.

I’d be flying to Costa Rica to play hooky from life.

It sounded magical. A 4 star hotel with panoramic views of the ocean, the promise of rainforest treks, and catamaran rides. I didn’t care that I’d never met anyone associated with the trip. The anticipation of meeting new people excited me. And most of all? It was THE thing I needed on the horizon to know that life itself was about to transform.

Finally, the email arrived. I was on a flight from Paris to Bucharest. I’d wanted to be the first in line to book my place. That wish was desperately under threat.

As I landed and made a crazy dash to the hotel, I uttered a silent prayer that the wifi there was up to speed. Technology needed to be on my side. I didn’t want to miss out on my place. There were only 20 up for grabs. I had to get mine.

I arrived at the hotel, hurriedly opened my laptop and logged in. The homepage of the Life Hooky site loaded. I momentarily marveled at the images of Manuel Antonio before switching to the sales page. Scrolling down to the bottom, I hit the ‘buy’ button…..

And then it hit me.

The price. It was much higher than I’d anticipated. The questions started whirling round and round in my head.

– What if I don’t get along with anyone there?
– What if it isn’t worth the money?
– What if something happens before the event and I can’t actually go?

And on and on and on…The confusion of questions wouldn’t stop.

But amidst them all, in the back of my mind, in the core of my gut, the only answer I had kept presenting itself repeatedly:

Don’t think about the what if…Consider: why not?

Why not take a chance to see a new beautiful country you’ve always wanted to see?

Why not do something different to pull you out of the routine of everyday life?

Why not make connections. Real connections. With people who have the same life philosophy as me – to live with freedom at all cost.

And so I did. I bought my place (I was the first after all), got my flights, sorted my insurance. I was going to Costa Rica, baby!

And that decision right there? It’s been the philosophy I live by. It’s the philosophy my friends live by. And I’m certain, since you’re part of this community, that it’s the philosophy you live by too.

Which is why today is the start of a movement. It’s been built to rally the troops, gather the pioneers and unite the renegades to drive a stake in the ground and declare:

Stop simply dreaming about what if…and start living with why not?

Because when you stop dreaming and start consciously living, your dream life starts to unfold.

When I became a raving fan of The Middle Finger Project, I had no idea that I’d eventually take a flight to an entirely different continent to meet 20 strangers and take a chance on something that excited me. Would there be laughter? Would there be rain?. Who knew. But I was 100% certain there would be wine.

I took a tiny chance on something big. And it transformed into the philosophy of my life.

And now it’s your turn. In the comments, share your story of when you took a chance on something that excited and scared you? Something small or something monumental. When did you stop thinking what if…and went wholeheartedly with why not? How did it impact your life?

Share your story with us.

We can’t wait to hear it.

Razwana Wahid is the founder of Your Work is Your Life. A copywriting and online business strategy service dedicated to coaches, consultants, healers and service providers. The ‘what if …. why not?’ movement has started. Are you in? Join us. Right here.

photo credit: Armando Maynez

Why I Meditate on Zen Koans

Zen Koan Meditation

I don’t meditate very often – maybe about once a week. But when I do, it’s on a koan.

If you don’t know what a koan is, it’s a statement, parable or question that you concentrate on while you’re meditating. They’re meant to be logical absurdities that don’t make much sense on their own.

Even if you’re not familiar with the term, you’re probably familiar with the concept. You might have heard the phrase, “what’s the sound of one hand clapping?”. Well, that’s a koan.

The way most people meditate is to clear the mind of all thinking. It’s about quieting your mind and bringing yourself to a state of inner peace. I do that too, but only so I can focus more clearly on the koan.

What’s So Great About Them?

When you meditate on a koan, you’re not only getting the benefits of meditation, but also giving your mind a big mental workout.

Meditating on koans is like thinking on a riddle without an answer. You can think about it all day long and try to unravel the meaning, but never quite figure it out.

But they’re more than that. When you meditate on a koan, you’re looking into yourself and the world around you in a different way.

From The Book of Mu: Essential Writings on Zen’s Most Important Koan:

“Contrary to what some might say on the subject, koans are not meaningless phrases…Rather koans are a direct pointing to reality, an invitation for us to taste water and to know for ourselves whether it is cool or warm.”

We get this “direct pointing to reality” by using a part of our minds that doesn’t often get much attention: intuition.

According to Psychology Today, intuition is defined as “a process that gives us the ability to know something directly without analytic reasoning, bridging the gap between the conscious and non-conscious parts of our mind between instinct and reason.”

Later in the article, it says, “we need both instinct and reason to make the best possible decisions for ourselves, our businesses, and our families.”

Intuition is connected with our ability to make good decisions. A good intuition also helps your creativity and problem-solving skills.

If you remember from my previous post about Einstein, you’ll remember just how important intuition was to him. Einstein used his intuitive side to build a much more creative mind.

He once said, “All great achievements in science must start from intuitive knowledge. I believe in intuition and inspiration…at times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason.”

Koans are a great way to tap into your intuitive side. If you meditate on koans enough, you’ll build it up just like a muscle.

Not only that, but you’ll learn more about the world around you.

For instance, here’s what happened when I meditated on the “one hand clapping” koan.

My first instinct was to look at it logically. But I immediately ran into a brick wall – one hand cannot clap.

It forced me to look at it from an illogical, absurd angle. I was forced to examine the underlying reality of the koan and examine it that way.

When I mediated further on the koan, I started thinking about relationships. I thought about how many things exist solely in relation to something else. For example, taking one hand away changes the clapping sound (or in this case, non-sound).

I thought about how important relationships are to the world. What we see in life is often just the result of the changing relationships around us.

It’s like people who come into our lives. Their very presence can change our lives for better or worse simply by being there – it’s their relationship to us that changes things.

After I finish meditating on the koan, I feel like I know a little more about what life is all about. I feel like I tapped into my intuitive side to know something about the world that I never realized before.

Once I’m finished, I move on to another one; Here’s a great list of them.

It’s important to understand that what you learn from koans is not knowledge. It’s a way to examine and reflect the world around us that we normally don’t think about.

The point is not to “figure them out” – that’s tackling it from a logical perspective. The point is to exhaust all logical and emotional thought so you arrive at an intuitive insight.

Most importantly, it’s about reaching potential thoughts that can improve understanding.
photo credit: premasagar

Do More Boring Things (Seriously)

Do More Boring Things

One of the things I liked most about living in Morocco a year ago was that I got to speak French on a regular basis. I’m good at it, but not quite fluent.

I’ve never actually tested how much I know about French, but it’s at least conversational. I know enough to be comfortable speaking to locals for long periods of time.

I still occasionally strain to understand them and vice-versa, but the sharing of verbal information does happen.

The end result is good enough that it impresses many people. I’m proud of my French speaking abilities.

Sounds cool, doesn’t it?

But here’s the ugly truth about this accomplishment:

It took a lot of hours to get here. That time was spent memorizing words, practicing by myself and reviewing.

In short, it was a lot of dull boring work.

The same goes for most skills:

Learning a musical instrument means hours of practicing your scales.

Becoming a good writer means hours of writing spent on your computer.

You have to spend hours reading dozens of books to understand any subject in-depth. Once when I was learning economics, I checked out textbooks from the local library so I could better learn the subject.

Let’s look closer at all the things I do to get into great shape:

  • Eat healthy meals every day
  • Eliminate all junk food
  • Stick to a consistent workout regimen
  • Switch out soda and other sugary drinks for water

These are all boring things, but they’re also very necessary for my workout goals.

If you want to be in the best shape of your life, you need to do all of those things. It’s all done so you reach an end result that will make you feel good about yourself.

Funnily enough, I do a lot of things other people consider boring so I can have crazy, fun adventures later.

People think it’s boring how I don’t spend a lot of money on fancy cars, big screen TVs, clothes or expensive drinks in clubs.

That may be true, but I do these things so I can save money for traveling.

It’s boring to them, but I treat it as an investment for an adventure later on. To me, it’s worth forgoing these items so I can see more of the world.

The Problem of Needing It to Be Fun

For someone who writes a lot about doing crazy things, it might seem odd that I would advocate for doing dull activities.

You might ask: couldn’t I reach my goals and have fun at the same time? That would be ideal, wouldn’t it?

I know there are a lot of things out there that try to incorporate fun while building skills. For instance, there are computer programs that will teach you a foreign language in a fun way. There are countless workouts and diets that incorporate fun too.

What’s wrong with taking one of these routes?

There’s a lot wrong with them, actually. The trouble is that trying to make everything fun doesn’t work.

It seems as if more and more things try to be fun in order to get more people to do them. I can’t count how many late night TV commercials try to get people to buy the latest workout equipment whose biggest feature is that it combines working out with fun.

Everyone I know who gets into great shape puts in a lot of time and effort. No one gets there with the latest gadget saying it can be fun to get there.

I’ve tried programs that try to make learning a foreign language fun. Many work really poorly because they focus too much on having fun instead of learning the language. Others work moderately.

But none of them come anywhere near the dull activities of memorizing words, reviewing and practicing. It’s not the most fun way to learn, but it’s the most effective way.

Boring Can Be Great

You have to do what works.

It’s boring to eat right and exercise regularly.

It’s boring to cut costs to save money for traveling.

It’s boring to memorize French words.

It’s boring to drink water instead of soda.

But if you want to get anywhere, you have to embrace these boring things and stop trying to make things fun. Besides, it won’t all be for nothing. When you put in the time, you can achieve some really impressive things.

I know it might seem counter-intuitive, but boring can be pretty awesome.
photo credit: Jesse Millan

The Einstein Method for Freeing Your Creative Mind

Einstein Creative MindIn 1905, Einstein introduced the world to his groundbreaking theory of special relativity. It’s a very complex theory that I couldn’t possibly begin to explain here. But it spawned one of the world’s most well-known equations: E=MC2.

Einstein is arguably one of the world’s greatest creative thinkers. How his mind came up with idea after idea is astounding. By looking at some of his most famous quotes, we can get a valuable insight into his creative mind.

One of the reasons Einstein came up with such good ideas is that he started off with good problems. As he once said,

“If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and five minutes thinking about solutions.”

Before you even begin thinking about anything, you have to first define it. If you don’t take that first step, you may have good ideas – but they will probably be bad solutions.

This applies to developing new products, processes, important life decisions or just about anything you want to do. Define the problem first.

If you want to define a problem:

  • Clarify the problem
    -What do you know about it?
    -Have you gathered enough information yet?
  • What is the nature of the problem?
    -What are you actually trying to solve?
    -What is the root of the situation?

Think in terms of needs. What are you ultimately trying to accomplish?

So once you’ve defined the problem, what do you do?

Einstein was very knowledgeable about his subject, so it’s easy to assume that he used that knowledge to fuel his creative mind. Yet Einstein would have been the first person to dismiss the role knowledge had in his process. As he once said:

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

It’s interesting how we often approach tasks, problems and situations. All too often, we do it this way:

Use knowledge and concrete thinking –> come up with a creative solution for it.

But Einstein would actually have looked at it this way:

Use imagination and creative intuition –> come up with a logical solution later.

It was imagination that helped Einstein form his famous equation. When he was just 16 years old, he imagined chasing a beam of light. He imagined what it would look like to ride along beside it on a motorcycle and thought hard about what would happen.

The ideas he got out of this thought experiment helped him think creatively about how light worked. It helped him focus his thinking enough to come up with his revolutionary idea.

Knowledge is an extremely important and useful way to share and learn information. Einstein would eventually write down all his discoveries logically for the purpose of sharing knowledge. In fact, his knowledge is how we know so much about the universe.

But logic and knowledge can be too narrow and methodical when thinking creatively; it makes everything slower. Imagination lets your mind run without speed limits or barriers. The ability to go anywhere and do anything opens your mind to new possibilities and ways of seeing the world.

As Einstein once said, “logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

For Einstein, creative insights don’t come from reason, they come from imagination and intuition. Amazingly, these are the same kind of qualities you’ll find with artists.

Maybe that’s why Einstein said,

“The greatest scientists are artists as well.”

Einstein was definitely someone who found a lot of value in art. He was highly talented in both the violin and piano and would play them whenever he became stuck on a big problem. Often after playing, he would come out with a novel new approach to try.

You can see this artistic approach in a lot of great scientists and thinkers. Many of them explored their artistic side one way or another. Even Sherlock Holmes would play the violin when he was stuck trying to solve a mystery.

So how powerful are the arts? Researchers at Michigan State University found a strong correlation between childhood engagement in the creative arts and success later in life.

According to one of the researchers, “arts and crafts training correlates significantly with success…measured in valuable products such as patentable inventions and founding new companies.”

The skills you learn in the arts are perfect for complex thinking and problem solving. Artistic skills such as playing, intuition and analogies all help you come up with a long list of new ideas and opportunities to explore.

It seems as if these skills are formed from almost any artistic expression such as writing, painting, playing music and metalwork.

What matters most is you’re actively artistic. It’s not enough to just listen to music or look at paintings, you have to play an instrument or pick up a paint brush.

Many artistic skills are about taking things apart and putting them back together in new, inventive ways. That explains why so many kids who engage in the arts create more patents and businesses. It also explains why Einstein valued music so much as a physicist when he was trying to generate new ideas.

So to recap, here’s what we’ve learned from Einstein about freeing your creative mind:

  1. Define what you’re thinking about.
  2. Use imagination and creative intuition to examine it.
  3. Explore your artistic side to facilitate breakthroughs.

There’s an old saying that goes “knowledge is power.” That’s true in the sense that it will help you learn what we already know – but imagination and artistic expression will help you open your mind to those things we don’t.
photo credit: Landahlauts

8 Mistakes that Wreck Your Confidence

Mistakes Confidence

It’s hard to underestimate the importance of confidence.  Confidence in yourself is needed if you want to reach your goals and live up to your potential.  Without it, you might not go after all the things you want out of life.

With enough self-confidence, you could begin that dream project.  You could let go of all your fears and start living life on your terms.  No fear or doubt could hold you back.

But self-confidence doesn’t come easy.  It’s built over a lifetime of experiences and risk-taking opportunities.

Yet there are many things people do that undermine and hurt their confidence before they’ve even had a chance to build it up.  Tiny little mistakes can cause big problems unless corrected.

Any of these eight mistakes could be killing your confidence.

1. Assuming you should feel as confident inside as others are outside

Everyone’s point of view takes place from the inside-out.  That is, we see everything from our own thoughts, feelings and fears.

On the other hand, we can only see others from the outside-in.  We can only see their actions and outward appearance, but not their inner thoughts and fears.

So when we compare ourselves to other people, we have mismatched viewpoints.  Others may seem so self-confident that we think they have no doubts or fears.  That can make us feel bad about our own confidence and any doubt can be seen as a sign of weakness.

However, if we actually were able to look inside other people, you’d notice that more people have doubts and fears than we realize.  It’s just that we can’t dig into their minds to see it.

Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.

2. Forgetting to watch your body language

Little shifts in body language can affect your self-esteem and level of confidence.

Are you slouching?  Are you in an closed posture and hanging your head low?

If you’re doing these things, you’ll feel extremely unconfident.

Stand up straight.  Open your body language and lift your head up.  Model your body language on confident people.

Your thoughts will change as a result.  If you act confident, your mind will believe it.

3. Worrying about the things you can’t control

What if the weather turns bad and I arrive late?

What if I get sick?

It’s easy to get sucked into the land of “what if’s”.  In this place, you worry about all those things you don’t have control over.

If you want to build confidence, you have to let go of those things you can’t control.

Worrying about these things makes you feel helpless.  Instead of actively controlling the events going on around you, you’re passive.  Things happen to you instead.

That’s not the sign of someone with confidence. Should you add to focus your energy on what you can control?

4. Negative self-talk

Watch your inner dialogue.  What kind of thoughts do you have about yourself?

If you say a lot of mean things to yourself or come down hard on your mistakes, you’re only doing yourself a disservice.

You may think that being hard on yourself will push you to do better next time, but it could also be cutting your self-confidence down.

Yeah, you might motivate yourself to do that thing, but it will hurt you later when you try to do something else.

If you make a mistake or don’t live up to expectations, learn from it.  Shake it off and move on.  Lingering on it with negative thoughts will not do you any good.

5. Trying to fix it in your mind instead of the real world

So negative thinking can bring you down, but does positive thinking bring you up?  Yes, but only to a certain point.

You can’t build confidence completely in your mind.  You can think positively and build inner confidence as much as you want, but eventually you have to bring it out into the real world.

The surest way to build confidence is to get real-word experience.  Go out and do what you want to do.  Learn from mistakes and keep building yourself up.

That’s how confidence is best built and maintained.

6. Overestimating your abilities

It’s good to be confident in yourself, but bad to be over-confident.

Over-estimating your skills will hurt you even more once you face reality.  If you’ve built yourself up, you’ll have to deal with the fall.

That can be devastating.

You definitely want to push yourself, but be realistic about your skills.  Don’t let a fantasy mindset crash against the wall of reality.

7. Never taking accountability

Self-confidence is about belief.  You have to believe in what you’re doing and that your actions are exactly what you want to be doing.

That means taking accountability for those actions.  If they don’t turn out exactly the way you want, you have to accept that and take responsibility.

Own up to your actions.  Be accountable for them.  If you honestly made the best decision with the information you had, you have nothing to be afraid of.  If you didn’t, it may be time to re-examine your decision making.

In either case, own your decisions.  Only those without confidence to back up their choices would back away from them after the fact.

8. Letting fear run your actions

It’s alright to be afraid – it’s part of being human.  In fact, I’d say that fear is a sign that you’re heading in the right direction – it means you’re pushing yourself past your comfort zone.

But sometimes fear takes over.  It leads to procrastination.  We start avoiding things and push them off over and over again.

Instead of making conscious decisions to not do something, you let fear decide for you.  Letting fear make your life choices means you’ve consciously decided to stop determining your actions.

You’ve let something else dictate what you’ll do.  Self-confidence is all about believing in yourself and making the decisions you want to make.  If you let fear do that for you, you have no room left for confidence.
photo credit:David Goehring