Do Something Cool

How to Make Conversation More Interesting

2012-02-15T06:03:15Z

It’s not hard to find conversation. It is all around us. But truly interesting conversation – that is a rare find. Just take a couple of rides on an elevator and listen to what people are saying. It’s not really gripping or all that interesting. Bad conversations aren’t just limited to elevators though; they’re everywhere.

In fact, I’d argue that some people have conversations as if their entire life was one long elevator ride. Of course, you don’t have to live like that. There are some things you can do to have meaningful, interesting conversations.

Levels of Conversations

In its basic form, all conversation is the sharing of information. Just imagine calling someone on the phone right now and not sharing any information at all. It’s impossible to do since you’re always telling someone a story or relating the events of your day to them.

Most of the time, you’re sharing information about yourself. So with that in mind, it’s important to note that there are three levels of information you share with other people. These are demographic, sociographic and psychographic.

1. Demographic

Information that is factual about you. These are things like your age, gender, place of birth, what you had for breakfast this morning, etc.

2. Sociographic

Information about your behavior. What foods do you like to eat, what activities you enjoy doing, etc.

3. Psychographic

Information about your thoughts. These are things like your values, attitudes, interests, how you view abstract concepts like justice and morality.

Looking at these three levels of conversation, can you identify which area you spend the most time with other people? Most likely, you answered number one and two. And there’s a good reason for that. It’s hard to walk up to a stranger and ask them about their values and attitudes.

But it is in the third area where some of the best conversations happen. Listening to other people explain their thoughts really builds a connection and lets you know that person in a much deeper way. Time spent in area 3 and to a lesser extent area 2 is where the real dynamics of good social interaction come from.

In fact, I bet if you were to examine your conversations with your closest friends you’d find that most of them involve areas 2 and 3. You probably also consider them to be excellent conversationalists. That’s no coincidence.

Become More Interested in Everything

One key thing to remember about creating interesting conversations is to be interested in as many topics as possible. Over the years, I’ve become fascinated by many diverse topics ranging from travel, literature, action movies, economics and rock climbing. Due to the wide range of interests, I’ve been able to have great conversations with a wider range of people.

Of course there are still some subjects I don’t know very well and have no real interest in. But I still can find a way to start a good conversation. Just recently I had a long conversation with my wife about basketball, a subject I have no interest in.

I did it in a way that became more interesting to me by asking her what she liked best about the sport. This brought the conversation to level 3 communication about her thoughts on the game and made the conversation much more interesting. Instead of hearing about the stats she knows about the games or players, I turned it into a way to get to know her better as a person.

Add Value and Relate

Of course conversations involve more than just sharing information about who you are. You can talk about the weather, sports, the news or a book you’ve been reading. So what about that information? Well, you can divide this information in three ways: facts, opinions and stories.

1. Facts

I consider facts to be extremely useful, but they usually don’t make great conversations by themselves. They can drive a conversation along, but shouldn’t be relied on entirely since they don’t often contribute to good conversational flow. Let me give you an example.

A few years ago I had a job in an office. Each day I’d eat lunch with some co-workers who always talked about the weather. And I mean they discussed the exact temperature and if it was higher or lower than the previous day. Boring weather facts didn’t take the conversations very far.

2. Opinions

Good conversations rely more on opinions. Opinions provide a way for people to relate and contribute to the conversation in a way that facts often don’t. This is the best way to understand what the other person thinks about the world. You can get new perspectives and thoughts about things instead of just boring facts and figures.

3. Stories

Another way to create good conversations. Stories are how people interact with the world so naturally they make for good conversations. Of course some stories can be boring depending on how you tell it and what it is about.

Something to remember about creating interesting conversations is that some people just seem to be incapable of maintaining a good conversation even after you start one. Of course it could be that some people might just be shy or reluctant to share thoughts they consider private. I wouldn’t push it too hard if that’s the case.

But in a world where boring conversations are the norm, it’s best to try and get better conversations started. Otherwise you’ll just end up being another person trapped in that elevator of bad conversations. It’s time to open the doors and let yourself out.
photo credit: Joshua Rappeneker

The 3 Steps for Turning Plans Into Bold Action

2012-02-07T06:21:28Z

Everyone has dreams and goals for where they want to be in the future. This could be anything from starting a business, going back to school or quitting your job to travel the world. But how many people actually take the necessary action to get those plans off the ground? Not many.

And it isn’t because people don’t have plans or lofty goals for themselves. Making plans and setting goals is the easy part of the process. The hard part comes in taking the necessary action to make those plans a reality.

Your Plans, Your Life

You should spend the least amount of time necessary to make your plans. While taking time to make good plans is important, any longer than needed just means you are putting everything off. Eventually you find that you never get around to actually doing them.

In most cases it’s better to do what you want as soon as possible. Always look for reasons to start something instead of how to push it into the future. Turning plans into action requires this imperative thinking so procrastination doesn’t sink in.

1. Find Meaningful Purpose and Motivation

If you can find enough motivation and passion for your plans, everything else becomes much easier. Examine the reasons behind what you want to do. Is this something you’re really passionate about? Why?

The more you understand the purpose behind your plans, the better. Finding the meaning behind your plans can tap into a powerful way to drive action. You’ll naturally become more motivated to take action if you can let the passion of what you’re doing come out.

But sometimes you might need a jump-start to get you going. One thing you can do is ask yourself, “Will you regret not doing your plans later in life when you’re too old to do it?” Personally speaking, this question has provided me with more motivation to take action than anything else.

If you need to, imagine an older version of yourself that didn’t even attempt your plans. Imagine the regret you have for missing out on those plans and use that as motivation to move forward.

2. Face Down Your Fears

Finding motivation and purpose is only the beginning. You also need to address the fears and doubts you possess about the course of action you want to take. These can be quite debilitating and create a serious roadblock to taking action.

You need to accept and acknowledge that any plans worth doing will be scary at first. Realize that you’ll never be able to get rid of fear completely; you can only control it. However, you can’t let fear stop you from doing what you want to do. Otherwise you’re not really making the decisions for your life – your fear is.

It’s important to understand one thing about fear: It’s always worse in your head. What you imagine happening is never as bad as what it actually turns out to be in real life.

Plus, having fear is a sign that you’re heading in the right direction. You’re breaking out of your comfort zone and trying to make a better life. This is always something that will be scary. Make it a habit of running towards things that scare you instead of running away.

3. Take the First Step and Don’t Look Back

The first step towards your dreams is always the hardest, but it is also the most important. It’s the moment where you’ve built up enough drive and motivation and controlled enough of your fear. This is the crucial point where you stop making plans and actually put things into practice.

It’s important how you make the first step. If it is too small a step, you give yourself too much room to pull out. You’re not really investing enough of yourself into it. It’s like putting your toe into a swimming pool as a first step to learning how to swim. It’s something you can easily pull back from and quit. It’s often best to not give yourself such an easy exit.

For example, several years ago I moved to a new city without a job or means of income. But I knew it was where I wanted to live so I made the jump and forced myself to make my way. Without an easy exit, I found the motivation to succeed. And I found a job just a few days after signing the lease.

While I don’t really recommend burning bridges to your past, I still think any plan worth doing should be something you invest in completely. Having an easy exit you can do at any moment will just be too tempting to take when things get rough. Have faith that things will work out for you and just do it.

Jump Into Action

Taking time to fully make plans about your future is important and you should always think things through as thoroughly as possible. However, too much planning can be a bad thing when it prevents you from actually taking action.

Remember that plans are only as good as the action you take on them. The sooner you take that first step towards your goals and dreams, the sooner you can make them a reality. Taking action is the basis for what living a great life is all about. After all, you don’t want to be someone who later in life thinks back and wonders what might have been.
photo credit: travelingtamas

The Difference Between Living and Existing

2012-01-31T04:50:19Z

Ever just go through the day and feel as if you can’t change your life for the better? Everything has been decided for you and you have no choices in what you do, wear or say? Some days can feel like that, but have too many in a row and you just might be drifting aimlessly through life.

Then there are those people who get excited when they wake up in the morning. They have things they look forward to and they don’t know what is going to happen to them in the future. These people don’t merely exist, they’re full of life.

Living vs. Existing

I think the biggest distinction between living and existing comes from how much control you have over life decisions. Where do you see control coming from? In general, someone who exists feels as if everything is outside of their control while someone living knows they determine the path their life takes.

Emotions have a big role to play in this. Someone who exists lets emotions such as fear and anger dictate what they can and can’t do. Someone who is living understands those emotions, controls them and doesn’t let them interfere with their decisions.

Someone who exists would stay in the same dead-end job for years despite being unsatisfied and unhappy. Their fears have trapped them and they have no plans of getting out. They’ve lost hope and just mindlessly go through the day in order to maintain the status quo.

But it goes much further than a job and paycheck. Someone who lets their fears control them won’t take other actions that would improve their life. They stay in relationships they don’t like, don’t do things on their bucket list and always put their dreams on hold.

People who simply exist do the same boring routine every day even though they don’t really like it. They don’t take any chances on improving their life just so they can maintain their current comfortable lifestyle. This is because they are unable to take control of their decisions.

How to Stop Existing and Start Living

So how would you even know if you’re someone who exists or lives? Steve Jobs did something that could provide some guidance. Apparently he used to wake up each morning, look at himself in the mirror and ask himself the same question, “If I was to die today, would I do what I am about to do?” If his answer was no too many days in a row, he would make a change.

I think this is a good starting point for figuring out if you’re just settling for mediocrity. If you’re not getting excited or happy most days with what you’re going to do, you need to take action and change something. This goes for every area of your life.

Steve Jobs’ attitude is how I would describe someone who is living. He’s not content with doing a routine simply because he did it the day before. He knows that you continually have to find something that is meaningful for you and makes you happy. Otherwise you stop getting up in the morning because you want to and you start getting up because it’s obligatory.

So start asking yourself the same question that Steve Jobs asked. If you find yourself saying no to the question too often, you know that you need to make a change. Once you know what you want to change, you’ll have to confront those fears holding you back and remind yourself that a change is necessary.

I realize this can be a scary process; I went through something similar. Many years ago I had a job I didn’t like. It wasn’t horrible, but after several years of work I realized I had started going there only because of habit and not because I liked the work itself.

I knew I needed a change so I quit. I had searched for a job before I left, but didn’t have anything lined up right away. It was really scary at first, but I knew quitting was the right thing to do. Several years later, I’m still glad I made the decision.

Be in Control of Your Life

In the end, you need to be the one making the decisions for your life. Nothing should tell you what to do, even your fears and doubts. If you haven’t already, you need to take back control and make life meaningful for yourself again.

I know it can be easy to get stuck doing something because it is comfortable and has become habitual. I’ve been in that situation before. Even Steve Jobs battled with it if you consider that he asked himself that morning question every day for 30 years. And if he could get stuck in a rut doing something he doesn’t like, anyone can.

Do you think you are living or existing? Are there things you’ve become comfortable with and need to make changes?
photo credit: Phil Dowsing Creative

5 Negative Thoughts Keeping You from Living Life to the Fullest

2012-01-23T04:51:50Z

It’s always been my opinion that a life lived to the fullest is a well-lived life. When I’m old, I want to look over my life and reflect on all the adventurous things I’ve done and the interesting sights I’ve seen. I don’t see this as a rather bold opinion; other people have similar hopes.

Yet I’ve found that the hardest thing about living life fully was just getting to the point where I could really allow myself to do the things I want. Many years ago I had a lot of negative self-talk floating inside my head. It was a big stumbling block preventing me from really living life to the fullest.

Carpe Diem Lifestyle

I eventually overcame all that negative self-talk. The weird thing about some negative thoughts is how hard they can be turn around. If the thoughts are ingrained enough into your thinking, you’ll eventually start to believe in them.

And having negative self-beliefs about yourself is like setting up a slow speed limit sign to how fast your life can go. Fortunately if you recognize them early enough, you can stop negative thoughts from seriously hampering your life.

1. The “I can’t do that” mindset

The most common and devastating thought you can have about yourself is thinking you can’t accomplish something. This thought alone probably causes most people to stop working towards their dreams and settling for something else. After all, if you honestly think you can’t do something than you’ll just stop working to get it.

The next time you are in conversation with someone else about their goals or dreams, ask them what is holding them back and it is likely you’ll hear them say they “just can’t do it”. However, it will often be paired up with an excuse. For example, they can’t do it because it isn’t the right time to do it or they have commitments holding them back.

I overcome this mindset by thinking about all the things I once thought I wasn’t able to do, but eventually did do. It puts a lot of things you think you’re unable to do into perspective. It also lets you feel more positively about accomplishing those things no matter how difficult they may seem.

2. I’m not good enough to do it

These kinds of thoughts revolve around the thinking that you aren’t talented enough to do something. However, it usually has nothing to do with how talented you are, but involves a negative comparison you’ve made to someone else. This can be very destructive and demoralizing.

For example, if I wanted to become a stand-up comedian and I compared how well my stand-up comedy is to someone like Chris Rock or Patton Oswalt, I might become demoralized and give up. However, something you never see with professionals is the years of hard work and failures they had to endure to get to that point. It’s only natural to think you’re not as good as they are if you are comparing yourself to the final result.

3. “What if” negative thinking

Everybody thinks about their future. But if all you can concentrate on are all the bad things that possibly could happen, you’re going to limit yourself. After all, if you only see a negative future happening, you won’t do them.

The future is uncertain so thinking only about bad things that could happen is illogical. All life is a chance and living life to the fullest means taking risks. It might not turn out the way you want, but that shouldn’t stop you from taking all risks. You won’t get very far if you don’t take some chances in life.

4. Thinking you have to be perfect

Perfectionism is something I’ve struggled with for many years so I know it can be a difficult thing to overcome. Being afraid of making mistakes and making sure everything is absolutely correct is exhausting. It’s also something that can really be limiting to the things you can do in life.

If you concentrate too hard on making mistakes, you’ll miss out on taking risks. You’ll limit yourself to things you already know really well and trap yourself into a comfort zone. Living life to the fullest often means accepting failure.

5. Generalizing your failures

Sometimes a failure is way more destructive than it really should be. If something didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to go, there could be numerous reasons. However, some people overgeneralize their failures.

For example, a man tries to start up a relationship with several women and fails. He starts to think that all women will have similar reactions and that there is something inherently wrong with him. I’ve found this to actually be a very common belief among men who have had trouble with women.

Generalizations like this don’t reflect reality. It doesn’t take into consideration numerous other reasons for things not working the way you want. It’s easy to just jump to a negative thought about yourself without taking in many other considerations.

Think Positive

The sooner you can stop these negative thoughts, the sooner you can start living life to the fullest. I really believe that one of the biggest stumbling blocks to a well-lived life comes from negative self-talk. In some cases, it could be the only thing that is holding you back.

Turning around negative thoughts is important if you want to a life free from constraints. Once you get rid of those negative thoughts, you can go anywhere. So really getting to the point where you have a well-lived life doesn’t start with conquering the world, but rather yourself.

Have you ever had any of these thoughts? Any other negative thoughts you know that stop people from living life to the fullest?
photo credit: The Pondering Moose

Why the World Needs Your Ideas

2012-01-17T03:05:22Z

There was once a time when your ideas didn’t matter. That was a time before the information age when ordinary people didn’t share much information let alone their ideas. Of course, times are different now and people are sharing so much that it impossible for any one person to process it all.

But now that everyone has access to all this information, the question of what to do with it comes into play. That’s where you and your ideas come in. It’s a part of an interesting trend I’ve noticed that I think you could take advantage of.

Globalized Ideas

More and more places seem to be opening themselves up to your ideas. Let’s start with Proctor and Gamble. They have a program on their website called Connect and Develop which openly solicits new ideas from anyone willing to send them.

These ideas range from new products to logistics problems to pretty much anything the company could use. They depend so much on outsiders for new product lines that their website states that around 40% of their new products come from people outside the company.

Of course, Proctor & Gamble isn’t the only company to solicit outsiders for ideas. A company called Threadless asks for ideas from the public for T-shirt designs on their website. If selected, your T-shirt design wins you $2000 in cash and an assortment of other prizes.

But don’t think that business is the only area where your ideas are valuable. There are ways for just about anyone to give their opinions on rather complex issues. In fact, there’s been a very interesting trend with governments soliciting your ideas in a very unusual way: online games.

For example, the World Bank started an online game called Urgent Evoke in 2010. The way it works is simple, each Wednesday night a different world problem such as food security, energy and water rights is sent to players to solve. Each person plays the game, reads up on the different issues involved with it and figures out various strategies to overcome the problem.

Each of the games are based upon real-world issues and problems. The gamers responses are evaluated for their real-world usefulness and practicality. The World Bank even gave out awards to “winners” such as mentorships, scholarships and start-up money to those who provided the most valuable feedback.

Another online game called World Without Oil was setup in 2007. This game was set in a future where oil has run out. Gamers were asked to participate as if it was real-life to see what people’s reactions would be. The data was collected by the makers of the game to use in their own research.

Opening Up to Your Ideas

It seems as if all these groups trying to get your information would be something relatively new. But in fact a government or business opening their doors to ideas from the public has been seen on rare occasions throughout history.

In 1714 the British government set up a prize to solve the longitude problem. At that point in history, ships could sail while easily knowing the latitude. However, the longitude was really difficult to estimate which was a big problem because it put people and ships way off course. The problem was thought to be completely unsolvable. However, because the problem was outsourced a series of solutions eventually started in 1765 by a self-educated watchmaker named John Harrison.

Another more modern version of this way to solve problems was established by the X Prize Foundation. It was setup to achieve various high tech solutions such as awarding money to the first private company to put someone into space safely. Just recently they announced a prize for the first company to develop a Star Trek style Tricorder.

Complex Problems

It’s probably true that you’re not going to be the one to solve an X Prize-style high tech problem. However, a trend does seem to be forming where your ideas are becoming more desired and valued. And I think that has a lot to do with how complex world problems are starting to become.

It seems as if finding solutions to problems is becoming harder and harder. That makes sense if you consider the fact that problems with easy solutions will probably be solved first leaving behind the more difficult ones. That means more people are needed to pool their answers. Open innovation sourcing will be necessary and the world will start to crave your ideas more and more. But for now the only question you should answer is, will you be ready?

Have you ever been to any of those websites asking for your ideas? Do you have any ideas you think would work for them?
photo credit: twenty_questions

The 5 Best Ways to Invest in Yourself

2012-01-10T06:03:15Z

You are your greatest investment. The better the things you put into yourself the greater your returns are going to be. At least, that’s how I look at it.

It’s typical to think of investment as just stocks, bonds and mutual funds. But that’s too narrow a definition of investment for me. I like to think of investment as something you can do for yourself right now that will cause you to get a much better life in the future.

Return on Investment

So with this new way of thinking about investment, you should be asking if you are investing enough in yourself. Is there something you could be doing right now to get a good return on your investment in the future?

Well, there are a lot of things you could be doing right now. But I’d say that most of them aren’t really that great of investments. After all, you could invest some of your time to watching TV, but it isn’t likely to do much for you after it’s all over.

But there does seem to be five general things you can do to make your life better.

1. Learn more

Getting a good education is important. I could list off the statistics of how much more money a college graduate earns or the billions of dollars the US spends on education every year. But really this is something you’ve probably already heard before.

What really needs more attention is the idea of self-learning. Many people seem to think that all learning starts and stops at the school’s door. But there is a lot of value you can find through learning in your own free time outside the school system.

Becoming a smarter person can be valuable. It can make you look at the world in new ways and see opportunities for yourself that you might not otherwise see. Knowing just a little more than usual can give you the advantage you need to get to where you want to be.

Investment ideas: books, documentaries, lectures, intelligent conversation, the news

2. Find more free time

I sometimes think that free time has a bad reputation. Many people seem to think that too much free time means you’re somehow less valuable or important. I can’t stress enough how much I disagree with that point of view.

Free time is where life happens. It’s the space between commitments and work where the most valuable memories are created. It’s free time that allows you to go on trips, have lunch with a friend or read a good book.

Creating more free time means you get to experience those things much more. More free time allows you to pursue your passions or explore the world. When you’re too busy with commitments and work, you’re missing out of all of those things.

Investment ideas: reduce time at work, prioritize your tasks, say no to some requests, avoid social media, turn off the TV

3. Achieve goals

Everyone has goals they want to accomplish before they die. Perhaps you even have a bucket list full of things you want to do. So putting some time and effort into getting those things done would really pay off.

It doesn’t matter if those goals are to become an actor or learn a new language. You’ll feel better when you put the time and energy towards completing those things. The big payoff to all that effort will be when you can look back on your life and realize you put positive steps in making those things happen.

Investment ideas: start a bucket list, make a New Year’s resolution, make time for goals

4. Become healthier

Health can benefit your life in many ways. A healthy life can mean a longer life you can put towards pursuing your goals or passions. You’ll have a much wider range of physical things you can do with your life too. Being physically fit, you can participate in activities like marathon running or mountain climbing.

Eating right and getting enough exercise can give you more energy to do everything you want to do. It can also give you more mental prowess. It’s really an investment area with the most potential to improve all the other areas of your life.

Investment ideas: go to the gym, eat healthier, go running, cut out fast food

5. Save more money

Saving money is still an important way to invest. After all, you can’t really do much with your life if you are bogged down by debt and bills. Finding the right balance to paying your bills and saving a surplus of cash is important.

You really can’t do much without money. That’s why it is important to invest in the time to find a stable income that allows you to save a portion of money without having to borrow. Sometimes that means being more careful with how you spend your money and avoiding purchases that won’t really be worthwhile.

Investment ideas: pay down debt, cut monthly expenses, don’t use credit cards

Good Investments

Spending just a little amount of time on each of these investments can mean big gains for you in the future. They are the areas that offer the biggest payoffs. You’ve already invested a lot into your life; why not invest a little more.
photo credit: thinkpanama

Why it is Important to Dream Big

2012-01-10T05:18:42Z

Life is short. Way too short to just sit back and wait for something to happen to you. That’s why we all have dreams and goals we want to accomplish. That’s why bucket lists are so popular.

Knowing that life is short, you should try to maximize the amount of positive experiences you get out of it. After all, you don’t get to restart your life over again once you reach the finish. So you might as well dream big since you won’t get another chance to do it. And besides, you can get a huge payoff from those big dreams.

Big Dreams Come True

I don’t think anyone epitomizes the importance of dreaming big more than Christopher Columbus. Sailing across the Atlantic to find a trade route to the West Indies was a huge undertaking. But it wasn’t his only goal. In fact, he had far bigger things in mind from his adventure.

Along with the estimated needs for his plan, his proposal asked for an extortionate price for his services. Columbus wanted to be appointed Governor for any lands he discovered, given one-tenth of all the revenue from those lands and also appointed “Great Admiral of the Ocean”. These demands were outrageous even within his time. But as you know, his demands were eventually accepted.

It’s hard for me to say whether Columbus’s demands were a shrewd business tactic or evolved out of arrogance. Either way he got a huge payoff from his trip just by thinking big. And I think there is a lesson you could learn from this story.

Don’t settle for mediocrity. Big things can and do happen to people if you can just find the courage to pursue them. If Columbus had settled for more reasonable demands, he wouldn’t have received so much for his efforts. Even if the source of his demands was arrogance, he still got way more than he reasonably should have.

Ask for Your Big Dreams

As the story about Columbus shows, part of dreaming big is about asking for those big things. That can be a big risk, but well worth the chance. Sometimes you need to ask big in order to really get anything accomplished.

For example, I knew a business executive who had started freelancing as a small business consultant. His thinking was simple. Since he was just starting out, he should ask for a smaller fee until he built up more experience and industry knowledge. It all seems reasonable in theory, but put into practice reveals a different story. No one wanted to hire him.

After close examination of similar competitors, he realized the key difference. Everyone else was asking for much bigger fees. There seemed to be a correlation between what people asked for and their perceived value. Once he raised his fees, his work increased. The only thing he changed was his asking price.

What this shows is that you sometimes need to ask for more. If you’re asking for too little, people might think you really don’t offer as much value as you really do. The last thing you need is to burden yourself with unnecessary hurdles. Think big and ask for it. You’d be surprised at how often it works.

Not only should you ask for more from others, but also yourself. If you’re not pushing yourself about what you can do, you’ll never know what your limits are. In fact, you’ll probably find that you really don’t have any limits. If you ask more of yourself on a regular basis, you’ll get more.

Why You Should Dream Big

The good thing about dreaming big is that it allows you to fall short and still gain a lot. Confucius once said “If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it’s OK. But you’ve got to shoot for something. A lot of people don’t even shoot.”

Dreaming big pushes you to heights you might not have reached otherwise. Imagine someone who pushes themselves to be President of the United States or head of a giant corporation. Such high goals will necessarily require a lot of work and achievement. Not everyone will make it, but a lot of good can come out of it.

As someone pursues one of those goals, they may push themselves to heights they normally wouldn’t see. Someone who dreams of becoming President might reach as high as Senator or Governor. As Confucius would say, these people didn’t reach the stars, but they still hit the moon. And that is still a great achievement itself.

Live Life Big

Big dreaming can make your life big as a result. You can get more than you would normally expect. And really, wouldn’t it be great to get just a little bit more out of our lives?

It’s big dreaming that has led to some of the greatest achievements humans have ever had. Spaceflight, the eradication of smallpox and the internet all started out as big dreams. Someone had to think of those big ideas first before they made them happen. Your dreams are no different.

Are you dreaming big enough? What are some of your big dreams?
photo credit: Spitefully

The Problem with Overnight Success Stories

2012-01-10T05:22:12Z

There’s nothing I dislike more than when I come across an overnight success story. What is worse is when these stories are used to promote a product promising you instant results. It’s just unrealistic to expect to lose a ton of weight or to build a fortune within one or two months.

It’s not that I don’t like to hear about success stories because I do. They can be really inspirational. Overnight success stories are different though. Sure, they’re inspiring, but for all the wrong reasons. They can create unreal expectations about your own achievements, how much time it will take to get there and even what it takes to become successful.

Unreal Expectations

I think of overnight success stories like the lottery. There’s a chance it could happen, but it’s extremely unlikely. And even though the lottery’s odds are stacked against them, people still play and hope for that big instant payoff. Once again, you can extend this analogy to overnight success. Despite the overwhelming odds, people still hope it will happen to them.

Overnight success does happen, but it’s really rare. For example, did you know that Stephenie Meyer had never even written a short story before penning the first Twilight book? She spent only three months to complete the novel before she submitted it to a handful of publishers. Two months after finishing the novel she had signed a $750,000 three book deal.

She makes it look way too easy. I think most people would look at this story and understand that her overnight success was an aberration, a fluke. In fact, if her personal story were included in her works, most people would dismiss it as pure fantasy. Stories like hers aren’t the ones that cause people to pursue overnight success though. It’s the general idea that things should be much easier than they really are.

It doesn’t help that many movies and TV shows depict fast achievements in order to propel their plots along. When you see someone on screen reach their goals in such a short period of time, it instills the idea that this is how it works. And you also have books, self-help guides and products all promising unrealistically fast results.

Overnight Success Doesn’t Happen

Ask people what their opinion on overnight success is and I think you’ll find most agreeing that it doesn’t really exist. Most people understand that pursuing goals and achieving the things you want take time, dedication and hard work. But there still is a misunderstanding in how much time those things really take.

The problem comes from a phenomenon called the planning fallacy which is a tendency for people to underestimate the time it takes to complete a task. Researchers did a study where they asked 37 psychology students to estimate how much time it would take to finish their senior theses. Their average estimation for getting it done if everything went poorly was 48.6 days. Their actual completion time was 55.5 days. Less than a third of the students predicted their times correctly.

So even if someone understands that Stephenie Meyer’s story was a fluke, they still might think they can strike it big as a writer in just a few years or as an actor after a few roles. Although people don’t believe in instant success, they still don’t estimate an appropriate amount of time and effort for what will be required.

It Takes Time

As the study indicates, the amount of work it takes to reach your goals will usually be longer than what you expect. The bigger your goals, the longer it will take too. Things don’t happen overnight or even within a few years. It takes a lot of time and effort to get where you want to be. And it will probably take more than you realize.

It’s important to keep this in mind as you’re striving to reach your own goals. Things will often take much longer than you expect. The last thing you need is to burden yourself with unrealistic expectations of when you should start seeing results. More than likely, you are just expecting too much too soon.

These unrealistic time expectations can cause real problems. Failing to reach your goals in a pre-determined amount of time can make people search for something wrong. Often they point their blame on themselves which could result in lower self-confidence and self-esteem.

Another conclusion you could reach would be to think that your goals are unattainable. Perhaps you think that you have no talent or that you’ll never reach your goals so you might as well give up. It’s very possible this discouragement could cause you to quit prematurely. It’s very important to realize that reaching your goals will probably take longer than you estimate so you should keep going past your expectations.

It Takes More Time Than You Realize

When it comes to reaching your goals, you should think of the old saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. You can’t just rush into something expecting a big payoff immediately. If instant success was true, you’d see more of it in real life instead of the movies. Not everyone can pull off a Stephenie Meyer’s rise to fame and fortune.

I once read that the best way to estimate your time for reaching a goal is to get the best time for completion, add 20% to that total and then add another 20% to that total when no one is looking. That seems about right to me.

What do you think of overnight success stories? Do you think people give up too soon?
photo credit: B Rosen

7 Tips for Creating More Adventures

2012-01-10T05:25:33Z

I like the old Helen Keller quote that “life is either a great adventure or nothing.” This is the way I look at things. Life is meant to be an adventure and we should take every opportunity to create more adventurous experiences.

I see adventures as more than just exciting, dangerous activities. Adventure means pushing your boundaries and seeking out new and interesting experiences. It’s about how far you can push yourself past your limits and seeing what you’re truly capable of doing. And that’s a big part of what makes life worth living.

Finding adventure isn’t always easy though. After all, how often are you pushed enough past your limits to see what you’re capable of doing? But there are some things you can do to get that life of adventure.

1. Break your routine

Routines are the opposite of what an adventurous life is all about. They can be boring and predictable. If you know everything that is going to happen then you already know what you’re expected to do. There are no new challenges and no new experiences.

It’s important to break out of your routine frequently even if it is for little things. Think about trying out a new type of foreign food or walking through a part of the city you’ve never seen before. Sometimes the simplest changes to a routine can be very adventurous and rewarding.

2. Think experiences, not possessions

If you’re like most people, when you hear the word adventure you think whitewater rafting, traveling, mountain climbing or something similar. You might notice that all of these items have a common theme to them: they’re all activities.

That’s the nature of adventure. It’s based around doing something rather than owning something. You’re not likely to buy a possession that brings many adventures. Of course, there are notable exceptions such as a bicycle. But even then the adventurous part of a bike is when you take it out around the block or down a trail. You won’t get many adventures if it sits in the corner of the room gathering dust.

3. Become a Doer

All adventures require action. You have to be a person who goes out and does things. Otherwise you’re just an observer sitting on the sidelines waiting until it is your turn to get things done.

People don‘t usually sit around because of a lack of ideas of what they want to do. It’s because they can’t get past the planning and preparation stage and jump into their idea. You can’t experience something if it stays a thought. Get things out of your head and into action.

4. Believe adventure is everywhere

If you believe adventures can be found anywhere, you’ll find them. Having a belief like this can be a powerful way to train your mind to seek out new, interesting experiences. This belief can make you become more aware of the adventurous things going on so you can take advantage of them.

If you don’t believe that adventures can be found anywhere, your mind will stop looking for them. You won’t see them. Consequently, your number of adventures will decline.

5. Dream big

It’s a good idea to have big goals and dreams. When you dream big, you become more likely to push yourself to meet those goals. Ambition can be a great motivational tool. If you are successful in reaching those goals, you’ll have some really amazing adventures.

And even if you don’t achieve that big dream, you’ll still benefit. There are many things to experience as you pursue your goals. You might not have had all those experiences if you hadn’t dreamed big to begin with. It’s better to dream big and come up short and get all those experiences than to not even try.

6. Surround yourself with adventurous people

It’s much easier to have more adventures when you surround yourself with adventurous people. People like that will often invite you along on their experiences which will introduce you to so many new things. Adventures are usually more fun with other people so they‘re likely to take you along with them.

And even if they don’t invite you along, you’ll still benefit. All the stories they tell you about the things they’ve done can be quite inspirational. It can give you a lot of motivation and ideas about some things you can do yourself.

7. Look for inspiration

I’ve noticed a lot of my ideas about new adventures were inspired by others. It doesn’t just have to be from people you know either. I’ve been inspired to do things from movies, books, speeches and blogs.

When I find a story about someone who has done something interesting, I take a mental note about it. I imagine what it would be like to go through it myself and I figure out what it would take to do it. It’s all about getting ideas. Once you have those ideas, creating adventures becomes easier.

Create More Adventures Now

The best part about adventures is that there doesn’t seem to be a limit to them. There will always be something new to experience and some other way to push yourself past your limits. Realizing that you can always push yourself to new heights can be a freeing and uplifting thought. Life really is an adventure. Let’s see how far we can take it.
photo credit: gtall1

Does Having a Sense of Destiny Help Create Success?

2011-12-06T18:03:51Z

Sometimes I get the feeling I am destined to do something great. It’s hard to explain, but it’s as if I’m meant to do something before I die and I don’t know quite what that is yet. Most of the time, I shrug it off as my own ego. I’m not someone who really believes in fate.

But there does seem to be something beneficial about having a sense of destiny. I’ve heard many people claim their key to success was their undying belief that they would make it. It’s as if they knew they would succeed no matter what.

Your Future Destiny

Thinking of yourself as destined for something inherently means thinking about the future. It’s having a belief that your ending point will inevitably be something better than where you are now. You don’t know exactly how you’ll get there, but eventually you’ll get to that final point. You just know it.

All this thinking is done despite the fact that the future is unwritten and ultimately unknowable. You can make plans and preparations about what you think will happen, but it’s very likely that you’ll just have to change them as events unfold. The only thing you can say is certain about the future is that it is uncertain. Even people paid to make predictions about the future get it wrong most of the time.

But disregarding the future because it is unknowable and unpredictable can be really limiting. It’s as if you’re saying that the future has no direct impact on who you are now as a person. I can see how many people would think that. After all, who expects their own future to have a direct influence on the person you are today.

Your Future Self and You Now

It is true that events in the future can’t really impact who you are now. To say something you haven’t even experienced yet can make a difference to who you are now seems ridiculous. It would be like saying a book changed your life before even reading it. It doesn’t work that way.

But it’s not the events of the future that can influence you now. It’s the idea in your head now about what you are going to be like in the future that can make a difference. If you see yourself in the future as inevitably becoming something, you’re more likely to achieve it.

When you see yourself in the future, you’re using your imagination to create what you want to become. Even though this person you’re imagining is the future you, it can still impact who you are today. It’s been shown that imagination can have a bigger effect on your mind than you realize.

For example, a study was done on Junior High basketball players. They split a group of players into three groups and had them practice free throws. One group practiced every day, another did nothing at all and the last group sat on a bench and only imagined shooting free throws. When the experiment concluded, the accuracy of the group that practiced and the group who only used imagination was about even. The group who did nothing fell far behind in accuracy.

Having a sense of destiny uses your imagination. You see yourself in the future completing your task and becoming something amazing. Whatever it is you’re thinking about, all that imagination about where you want to go can build up. Ultimately it can effect you just as much as it did those basketball players.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Another reason that having a senses of destiny can help create success lies in a psychological concept called the self-fulfilling prophecy. This is when your prediction about something inevitably causes it to become true. An example of this would be someone who falsely believes they will have a bad day. They alter their behavior patterns enough to make it become true.

I’m sure many of you have heard about this concept before. But I doubt that you realize how it can affect effect you in a positive way. If you believe something positive will happen to you, you can alter your behavior pattern to make that prediction happen. And that’s basically what having a sense of destiny means.

A big part of how this happens comes from how people process beliefs. In a recent study, researchers found that beliefs and facts are treated the same way in the brain. Apparently, people see a belief as equal to facts. So if you believe something will happen to you in the future, your brain sees this as a fact despite knowing that it hasn’t happened yet.

It’s Your Destiny

Having a strong sense of destiny can keep you focused on your goals. All that focus directs you closer toward your goals since you’re constantly working out how to get to that point. Any setbacks can be shrugged off because of that strong belief you will succeed. In effect, your sense of destiny can keep you persistent as you struggle to get where you feel you should be. It’s like having a built-in mechanism preventing you from quitting.

Having a mechanism to stop you from quitting would be incredibly useful since many failures occur simply because people give up. It does explain why many successful people say they “just knew” they’d succeed. I still don’t really believe in fate, but I have been believing more in myself for the future.

Do you see yourself doing something in the future? Have you ever felt destined to do something?
photo credit: spacepleb